The most important and fulfilling aspects of our lives are the relationships that we develop and maintain with our families, friends, loved ones, and our community. These relationships serve as the foundation of our emotional well-being. It’s important to keep them in a healthy and joyful state.
A second, more personal level of fulfillment comes from the things that we do for ourselves, the things that we choose because they are important to us. This includes our career choices, volunteer work and the causes that we serve, hobbies and other interests, and things that we do either simply for the fun or it or because we sense a greater importance in their accomplishment.
Over the years, I have found fulfillment in a number of pursuits. If I think that I might enjoy something, I give it a try. I have written songs and composed music, authors stories, essays, and poetry, performed as a musician and as a dancer, traveled the world and captured beautiful photos along the way. I have learned to converse in multiple languages. I have enjoyed and fulfilled a fascinating career figuring out how to get computers to solve intriguing problems. I have had the honor of teaching in two disciplines, dance and computer programming, although not at the same time. (That would have been quite a feat; a feat of the feet?) I have even crossed off one of the ultimate “bucket list” items by running a marathon.
Recently, I spent time reflecting on these various activities. What struck me, as I compared them, was that while I enjoyed each of them, they are very distinct and different experiences. Some I have done well, others more modestly. Some came to me fairly easily, while others presented more of a struggle no matter how long I worked on them or how much skill I attained.
I thought that it would be an enlightening exercise to compare and contrast these various experiences in a single document. It is a good exercise to reflect periodically on what things have brought the most fulfillment in life and which presented the biggest challenges. I am hoping that these distinctions will be helpful in deciding how to best spend my time and energy going forward.
Here are some of the activities that have brought me the most fulfillment and enjoyment over the years. I have listed them in the order of their adoption into my life.
1. Music Composition
Music was my first love. Since early in my teens, I dreamed of composing music. I invested a lot of work into understanding the principles and structure of music, and by my late teens, I was writing songs and composing instrumental music at a rapid pace.
I have worked on composition at various points in my life as time and other responsibilities permitted. In the past years, I have been working on one of my most satisfying musical project, and I hope to continue creating more music in the coming years.
I take great pleasure in listening to the music that I have created. That’s not too surprising, as it was written to appeal to my own tastes, but there is also a sense of satisfaction in having overcome the obstacles to its creation.
The process is demanding. Taking a musical idea from inception to something that people can listen to takes a lot of work and a bit of luck. When I am tired, distracted, or if I’m not feeling well, I lack the capacity to work on music projects. If I am to do something productive at those times, it has to be something easier than composing.
When creating music, I find that what you put into it is what you get out of it. If you’re not able to give it your very best, don’t expect it the output to be impressive. When I can dedicate all of my resources to a composition project, the music soars.
2. Playing Music
Playing music, and developing the technical skills necessary, is far more low key than composing. Granted, learning to play an instrument, or improving the quality of your playing, can present frustrations. The process requires patience, dedication, a clear acknowledgement of one’s weaknesses, and lots and lots of the right kind of practicing.
But here’s the silver lining. Effective practice is not stressful. It’s actually quite relaxing. If you’re tense while you practice, it won’t do much good anyway, probably because your attempting to do something that you’re not yet prepared to tackle.
Practicing an instrument is like going fishing. You can’t aggressively throw your line in the water and expect to catch more fish. Frantic activity chases the fish away. Instead, it’s better to take your time and do the right things in a relaxed way. Don’t expect to catch a fish every day, and don’t get frustrated when the hook comes back empty. Just keep doing the right things in the right way, and the fish (improvement) will come to you in time.
Practicing an instrument is an enjoyable experience when you do it properly. When you attain a level of skill, play in front of an audience, and play well, the level of satisfaction is indescribable. And that, my friends, is no fish story!
3. Running
I have enjoyed running since the age of fifteen when I made my first attempt to jog a half mile. That went okay, so the next time I tried to jog a mile. I did that a couple of times before attempting two miles. After a few two-mile runs, I went out one day with the intention of running three miles, a distance that just a few weeks earlier would have seemed impossible. It was a beautiful summer evening, and I was so swept up in the experience that I ended up running five miles before I glided in for a tired but comfortable finish. My life changed that night. I was a runner. There was never a question about it after that.
That said, I have never been a competitive runner. I tend to get injured when I train heavily, so I haven’t been able to put in the amount of effort that would elevate me above the middle of the pack. But the middle of the pack is a comfortable place to be, a place where one can enjoy the thrills and the health benefits of running without excessive physical stress or emotional pressure.
There is always a bit of discomfort associated with running, but unless you are hampered by an injury, most of the unpleasantness is offset by the endorphins that rush through your bloodstream. Running, even slowly, is hard work, but the experience can be very satisfying, and the health benefits are extraordinary.
One of the wonderful things about running is the stress release. If I know that I am facing a difficult situation or conversation, I make a promise to myself that I will go for a run later that day. Running is a beautiful way to escape stress and worry.
4. Computer Programming
Computer programming might not sound like fun, but it sure beats working for a living. Imagine a career where you get paid to use cutting edge technology to solve complicated puzzles, and you’ll have an idea what I do when I go to the office. It sure beats having to work a real job, you know, the kind that people do because they have to, but they hate it and they can’t wait to retire. IT work kicks the living daylights out of that dismal lifestyle.
5. Language
I like to travel, and when I travel, I want to be as independent as possible. I try to learn at least a little bit about the language of the country that I’m visiting. Even if I only have a few weeks to prepare, I’ll cram in as much as I can. It’s not always necessary - lots of people around the world speak English - but my language skills have paid off in many situations.
The study of language has benefits beyond travel. When we learn a new language, we learn new ways to describe things. Here is one of my favorite examples. In French, they don’t say “she burst into tears.” The say that “she melted into tears.” It describes the same situation, something that we all understand regardless of the language that we speak. But while it effectively means the same thing, it has a different sense. It conveys grief and hopelessness as opposed to some sort of explosive outburst.
Language is fascinating. If you can find some patient people to practice with you, you will gain a greater understanding of humanity by learning to express yourself in their language. You’ll even fine tune your understanding or your own language. If you have trouble remembering what the future pluperfect tense does, wait until you have to figure out those grammar rules in a different language.
6. Dance
In most of my creative pursuits, I am self-taught, but I learned dance from professional teachers. I could never have figured it out on my own; that is a talent that I do not possess. As my study of dance continued, I pushed myself to understand it as completely as possible. This led to a lot of self-study and conceptualization. I worked out ways to link standard movements together in unusual combinations. Some combinations worked better than others in practical application, but this type of exercise was valuable in advancing my skills to higher levels.
I also put considerable effort into improving my fundamental technique, the area of dance that students tend to ignore once they get past a certain level. Focusing on fundamentals paid big dividends over time. One of my first teachers held me to a high standard. She encouraged me to practice until I was able to dance with every woman in the room, not just the most skilled followers. It was sound advice. It took years to reach that level, but it made me a much stronger and more confident dancer.
Dance is its own reward. Imagine walking into a room full of well-dressed strangers anywhere in the world, inviting one of them into your arms, and having a beautiful shared experience for the next eight to twelve minutes, even if the two of you have never met, spoken, even if you don’t speak the same language. It’s indescribably amazing. It’s also addictive, and some people get lost in the world to the detriment of other relationships in their lives.
One of the great joys of my years as a dancer was teaching the tango, watching students learn new material and improve steadily over time, helping them to overcome the obstacles that held them back. That was extremely rewarding.
7. Photography
I had an interest in cameras and photography from a young age, but I didn’t start studying photography seriously until my early forties. I enjoy taking pictures. I become engrossed in the process and tune out all distractions. I can literally forget my troubles when I have a camera on my hands. I even forget things like the fact that I’m cold, hungry, or in need of a bathroom. When I put the camera back in the bag, that’s when I start to notice these things.
When I take photographs, I focus on what I’m doing (no pun intended). Conversely, I find that I won’t do it well until I can give the process my full attention. I need to tune everything else out and concentrate on what I’m doing.
I draw an important distinction between photography and my other creative pursuits. When I write or compose music, I work within the realm of my own thoughts. I imagine words, and I write them down. I imagine a musical phrase, and then I play it or I write it on paper. These are internally-focused processes.
When I am making photographs, although I tend tune out distractions, I am reacting to the world around me, to all that I see and to events that I sense are about to come. Occasionally, I’ll work on a conceptual idea in a studio, but even then, I’ll make adjustments and move lights around depending on the results that I am getting. But typically, I’m wandering through the world evaluating what I see and planning how to best capture it.
Photography for me is enjoyable for three reasons. The first is that I enjoy taking a great picture. It’s a thrill when the process has worked and exciting images come out of my camera.
Secondly, photography connects me to the world in an intense and immediate way. I lock my focus in on my subject, the process, and the results that I am trying to create.
Thirdly, when I’m out with a camera, I forget about everything else. I could have been in a big argument with someone in the morning laid. If I go out later in the day for a walk with my camera, I will forget all about the bad thing that happened earlier. I won’t think about my troubles again until I finish shooting. At that point, I’ll probably need to look for a bathroom.
8. Writing
I wrote song lyrics as a young man, but that was my only creative writing experience until I began to dabble with poetry and fiction writing later in life. I found that I enjoyed writing and that it came to me fairly easily. Give me a topic and some free time, and I’ll come up with the words fairly readily in most cases, and I’ll have a relaxed and enjoyable time doing it. I have been fortunate to enjoy good feedback from my readers, which has made the experience even more enjoyable. I look forward to publishing some of my works in the near future.
Copyright © 2018 Daniel R. South
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