Q: Where can you go to buy an inexpensive chess set?
A: A pawn shop.
A: What did the envious, out-of-shape guy say to the body builder?
Q: I don’t like your tone.
Stunt performers, the only people in Hollywood who aren’t looking forward to their next big break.
Q: How many motion-sickness pills does Paul Revere take before traveling?
A: One if by land. Two if by sea.
Q: How did the prince cheer himself up after having one of his testicles removed?
A: He had a ball.
A man and his wife were getting up in years, and their sex life had slowed down considerably. She spent most of her time supporting charity events, and having retired recently, he played golf almost every day.
One day, the man pulled his back out on the front nine, so he returned home two hours early. When he got there, he was stunned to hear the sound of someone making love to his wife in their upstairs bedroom. He considered his options and decided that it would be less intrusive to let the action finish before he announced his arrival and confronted the situation. So, he sat in his comfortable reclining chair to read the newspaper and rest his sore back as the racket upstairs continued.
Ten minutes later, the two lovebirds were still at it. After twenty minutes, there were still going. Thirty minutes later, still going strong. Finally, nearly an hour later as the excitement died down, the man quietly walked up the stairs. He peeked into the bedroom and realized that he recognized the guy. He was the son of one of the families in the neighborhood, probably just out of high school.
The husband gathered his thoughts and his composure and walked into the bedroom. As he entered, he clapped his hands and remarked, “Wow! That was quite a performance.”
The two lovers stared back at him in shock. The now terrified wife covered herself quickly with the sheet. “Herb, this isn’t what it looks like.”
“Oh, I think it’s exactly what it looks like,” the husband said calmly.
“I’m sorry, Herb, but listen, this is all my fault. Please don’t hurt him. He’s just a kid.”
“Hurt him?” the husband asked incredulously. “With energy like that, I was going to ask if he could mow the lawn.”
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