Imagine that you are the CEO of a company that’s developing an exciting new product.
- The marketing department wants you to push the product out right away. They are convinced that if you beat the competition to market, you’ll dominate sales for years and make lots of money.
- The engineering department wants to wait. The feel that the product isn’t ready, and they would like more time to work on it.
- The legal department is considering the amount that you might have to pay in settlements if the product doesn’t live up to customer expectations when it’s released.
- The accounting department urges you to hold off on the release. They say that you don’t have enough liquid assets to handle a major settlement. The firm could go bankrupt.
- The finance department tells you not to worry. The assure you that you can always borrow more money and pay it back with the proceeds from future sales.
You, the CEO, have to weigh these conflicting pieces of advice and decide what to do. It’s not an easy decision to make, and there is no magic formula to guide you.
We, as living beings, face similar conflicts. One part of our personality might desire a change of career, or we may long to set out on a big adventure. Another part will be concerned about the risks involved. Yet another part will express concerns over how the change might impact relations with our family, friends, or community.
Human beings are not emotionally monolithic. We each have conflicting desires wrestling within us at all times. There is no easy way to manage or resolve those conflicts.
When conflicting desires go unresolved over long periods of time, we approach a state of emotional impasse. This is almost always unhealthy. It creates stress. It can drive us to make bad decisions. In some cases, it may lead to anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or problems with our physical well-being.
We need to strive to resolve such impasses if we are to be emotionally healthy. As illustrated in ten CEO analogy above, this is not an easy undertaking. But we can take steps that lead in the right direction.
The first step is to be aware of our conflicting desires, e.g. the desire for adventure versus the desire for safety. Or the desire for openness and forgiveness versus the desire to protect ourselves from hostility. It helps to put the feelings into words, such as: “I would like to work in Silicon Valley, but I once had a bad experience with a career change.”
Next, we need to isolate and understand the different parts of our personality, the distinct parts of us that harbor each of these competing desires and concerns. Meditation can help. Imagine the benefits of taking that adventure or making that daring career move. Imagine this vision of the future in great detail. Live in that moment. Then imagine the downside and all of the things that can go wrong if we make that decision.
It’s important to understand vividly the positions of each of your conflicting internal voices.
Finally, work toward a compromise. Accept that you may not be able to compromise on everything, but realize that even small increments can be helpful.
Is there a way to move toward that new career while minimizing the risk of leaving your current job? Would training and mentoring help you to make a smooth transition? How can you find the right training at the right price, while weeding out less effective solutions? Is it acceptable to take on a bit more risk in order to gain the potential rewards? How much additional risk is acceptable, and how can we minimize negative impacts?
The intent is to bring your conflicting voices together, to have them work in harmony toward a common goal. Only then will you be able to move toward that goal without incurring unhealthy levels of stress. When you can find a balanced solution that addresses each of your concerns, you can break the impasse and move forward in a meaningful and sensible way.
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