South Of Someplace: December 2016

Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016 and Beyond

2016 - What a beautiful, intriguing number! Two times ten cubed plus two to the fourth power, or 151 times two to the fourth. The numerical elegance is captivating.

This beautiful year started out so well. The stock market was soaring. America and its leadership were respected around the globe. The future looked promising.

Then things began to happen. Tragic things. We lost Bowie. We lost Prince. We lost John Glenn and Muhammed Ali. Debbie Reynolds died the day after her daughter Carrie Fisher passed away. Heartbreak compounded heartbreak.

Bizarre, inexplicable political events came to pass, as well. In particular, Brexit and a certain orange fellow in the West shocked our sensibilities and shook our confidence in the rationality of the voting public.

Our beautiful year was in trouble. It had faltered repeatedly in the most critical moments, leading us into a dark, dismal alternate future that we never could have thought possible.

And yet, here we are!

The Elephant In The Room

2016 was a difficult year for me personally. There were four deaths in my extended family. Two other family members were injured seriously in a terrible accident. Friends lost parents, spouses, and children.

Heartbreak compounds heartbreak.

But I did have to come to grips with an important distinction. My life is good. Many, many people are worse off than I am. So, despite the fact that my family and I have gone through some challenge, I appreciate the boundless blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I have no idea how I ended up being so wonderfully fortunate in life, and I am grateful for every wonderful moment.

A Rebuilding Year

In the sports world, when a team underperforms, management may bring in new talent (i.e. fire the old guys) knowing that it will take some time for the new roster to become competitive. This is known as a rebuilding year.

I went through a bit of a rebuilding year myself. Dissatisfied with the sound quality of my recent recording efforts, I invested a lot of time in re-mixing and re-mastering the recordings. The work is ongoing, and the results are promising, but this took away time that I could have invested in developing new material.

I went through a similar rebuilding phase with my photography. I decided to reformat my blogs and replace the old postcard sized images with larger photos in higher resolution. I'm very happy with the results, but again, it took up time that could have been spent developing new work.

Positive Experiences and Outcomes

Not all is lost, of course. I did manage to compose three concerti in 2016, short of my aspiration of five, but not a bad effort given everything else that was going on.

I developed a new technique for creating abstract photographs, and the results were quite pleasing. I photographed a beautiful and moving wedding, a day that remains one of the most memorable highlights of the entire year.

I did a bunch of writing. I managed to finish the second installment of my Horse Farm stories - all fifty-seven glorious chapters. As I dealt with emotional difficulties, both public and private, I went on a poetry-writing binge that turned out some well-received pieces.

After dealing with some health issues, I make important dietary changes. Today, I feel better than I have in decades.

I spent a lovely ten days in Mexico seeing beautiful sights, enjoying delicious meals, and soaking up an abundance of sunshine.

And I have a new job, a tough and demanding position, to be sure, but an important step up from the last place, where I felt that my talents were underutilized.

Onward and Upward

A new year beckons. 2017 will present its own set of challenges, but it will also offer limitless opportunities for meaning and fulfillment. I have a host of new projects in the works and on the drawing board. I'm looking forward to enjoying new experiences both in my home city and in destinations near and far. Ultimately, the future is what we make of it.

Happy New Year to all, and if I may share a wish that a friend offered to me earlier today, may all of your dreams come true!

Friday, December 30, 2016

Powerless

In life, we sometimes encounter a situation that we are powerless to control. Perhaps we or someone we know will become ill or be seriously injured. Maybe a faithful client will decide to take their business elsewhere. Perhaps someone we care about will make a rash decision about their future.

Situations such as these can throw our lives into chaos. We cannot change what happened. We cannot fix what's broken. And we are greeted with the stark reality that we have little or no control over events that are about to unfold.

We are powerless, and it is frustrating.

We be careful, however, about how we express that frustration. Acting rashly or angrily can make the situation worse. A single regrettable comment or action may do unrecoverable harm to a valued relationship. Conversely, it we remain quiet while obsessing over what has happened, we may risk placing our own health and well being in serious jeopardy.

It's important to remember that, while we may lack the power to improve a bad situation, we always have the power to make it worse. Resist the urge to do so at all costs.

So, what can we do? Where do we go from here, and what steps will lead us in the right direction?

The first and potentially most critical step is to face reality. It's important to realize and accept the fact that we are indeed powerless in this situation. That is actually very difficult from an emotional standpoint, and it may take some time to reach that conclusion. However, we must face this reality before we can be of help to others.

Once we accept the limitations of our own influence, we can focus on contributing to the situation in indirect ways.

1. Let the people involved know that you are concerned about them, that you respect their needs and their wishes, and that you are willing to listen whenever they might like to talk.

2. Keep your ego in check. Nothing will ever be gained by judging someone, confronting them harshly, or lashing out in any way.

3. Improve yourself. If, for example, you find that are losing business because you haven't kept pace with your competition, realize that you'll need to invest time and effort into improving what you have to offer. Strive to be the best person that you can be. Self improvement may not help to salvage the current situation, but it will pay dividends down the road.

4. Seek the help that you need. Do you need counseling to deal with the stress of a major life change? Make the call. Do you need training to improve your professional skill set? Sign up. Do you need to hire or partner with someone to invigorate your business? Start having those discussions today.

5. Look at the bright side. Good things really do come out of bad situations. It happens on the time. Ponder this question: "In what ways might this situation bring positive change to my life, even if that is hard to imagine at this time?"

6. Seek new opportunities and avenues of fulfillment. We shouldn't base our livelihood one one client or have our happiness hinge on the whims of one person. Expand your horizons and your social and business circles. Meeting the right people can change your life in a big way. Would you have met those people if you still felt comfortable with the way that things used to be?

7. Be productive. Idle time will be problematic when you are facing an emotionally challenging situation. Instead of worrying about things that you can't change, invest your time in productive ways. Take a class. Volunteer. Join a gym. Work on a project that you have been putting off. Time spent on productive, healthy pursuits will improve your mood, accomplish important objectives, and prevent you from falling into destructive patterns of behavior.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Love Is All Powerful

The deaths of Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds, this week are weighing heavily on my soul. Love is all powerful, as is the loss of love. When we are loved, we are fully alive. Heartbroken, our very existence is threatened.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Don't Waste It

One day, fate is going to smack you in the face, punch you in the gut, stomp its heel down onto your toes, drive its knee deep into your nuts, and take from you someone whom you hold most dear.

Before that day comes - and it will - spend every minute that you possibly can with that special person. Enjoy being in their company. Be kind and supportive and loving, and do everything in your power to let them enjoy their time with you.

Second chances are rare in life. When someone is taken away from you, they'll most likely be gone forever.

This time, right now, may be the only time that you'll ever have to spend with them. Please don't waste it.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Life's Tragic Message

Carrie Fischer, dead at 60.

George Michael, dead at 53.

Fill every day with joy and meaningful moments. We won't all live to see 100.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

New York Minute 47 - Christmas Run

You know that you're a runner when you make time for a workout on Christmas Day! :-)

While running today, I came up behind a double-parked sport utility vehicle. A guy was unloading boxes from the side door. Between the open door and the boxes, there was no room to pass on the curb side of the vehicle.

I checked traffic on the street side of the SUV. I would need to time my attempt to pass so as not to risk being hit by an oncoming car. (Two taxicabs were approaching.)

The guy called out to me: "Sir! Sir!" He had closed his side door and motioned for me to pass on the curb side where I would be safe from the traffic.

I said, "Thank you!" as I ran past.

"Merry Christmas!" he called out cheerfully!

"Same to you!" I replied.

I do so enjoy encounters with thoughtful, caring people.

Prayers at the Midnight Mass

My prayer list is quite long these days. I know so many people who have suffered in the past few months.

Some lost a parent. Some lost their spouse. Some are dealing with illnesses or serious injuries. Some have relationships that are under strain or have already dissolved. Some struggle with other challenges like addiction, depression, or financial stress.

I prayed for all of them. I prayed all through Communion and kept on praying. I was still praying when everyone had returned to their seats. The choir performed Christmas carols. I was still praying; I needed more time.

I'll have to get back to the church as soon as I can. I have more friends and relatives to remember and more praying to do.

Friday, December 23, 2016

How I Got My Life Back - Part 4

Jerry was his name. I remember seeing it written on the paper that Paul, my old doctor, had given me when I asked for a recommendation. I did a search for Applied Kinesiologists in my area named Jerry, but it came up empty. Had he retired?

I thought about calling Paul, but it's bad form to ask the same question repeatedly. I poked around a bit more and discovered that Gerry spells his name with a 'G'. I called and booked the first available appointment. This was one time when work was going to have to take a back seat.

Gerry is nothing like Paul. He's a big, boisterous, bear of a man with a 1970's mustache. Despite his size, he's very animated. He talks fast and he talks a lot. In a perfect universe, Gerry would have been Garrett's doctor. The level of energy is similar.

I was in bad shape when I arrived at the office. Gerry had to help me onto the table and help me again when I needed to turn over. All through the exam he explained my symptoms and the procedures that he was applying to address them. He'd say things like, "I need to address the misalignment of your sacroiliac joint before I use electrical stimuli to compensate for the modal abnormalities in your lumbar region." I thought, "Just do something, dude! I'm in pain here!"

I was skeptical when I left the office. I didn't feel an immediate improvement. (I'm not sure why I was expecting that.) My instructions were to ice the problem areas daily. After a few days, I felt minor improvement. By the time that I returned the next week for my follow up appointment, the pain was down to about twenty to thirty percent of its original level. That was still quite uncomfortable, however.

We went through a similar routine of treatment. I was proud of the fact that I could get on and off of the table by myself. I really had improved.

I decided to mention the knee problem. Gerry poked around a bit in the manner that I've come to expect from these guys. His assessment sounded familiar. The knee problem was caused by a weakened muscle. The weakening of the muscle was caused by problems in th digestive tract. He went on a long explanation that I didn't follow very well. Then he tested my sensitivity to various food components.

The test is quite simple. You hold your arm in a certain position and resist when he tries to move it. When everything is okay, you can resist without much effort. But when something weakens you, the arm just collapses. This approach may seem strange, but I came to trust the methodology while working with Paul.

Gerry has a bunch of samples in vials. He asks me to hold them in my hand and resist against his attempt to move my arm. The arm stayed strong for the first test. He tells me that it was soy. Second test: no problem. He tells me that it was dairy.

This goes on for a while until he gets to one that makes my arm collapse helplessly. He said, "That was Kryptonite!" Then he said that he wanted to test me for a few more substances. The next few worked fine, and then, BAM! The arm goes weak again.

The assessment wasn't particularly surprising. The first sample was gluten, and the second was wheat. The obvious suggestion was to try a gluten-free diet for a while. I always thought the going gluten free was like some new age fad, but I decided to give it a try.

The results were nothing short of amazing. After two weeks, my knee pain was gone, I had started running again without any issues, and I had tons of energy. I told people that I felt like I was twenty-five again. My mental focus was sharper, too. Absolutely amazing!

Maintaining a gluten-free diet presents some challenges. No bread, no pizza, no pasta or noodles of any kind (unless they are specifically marked gluten-free). No breaded, fried stuff like shrimp or chicken parmigiana. No pastries, no cakes, no dumplings, no pretzels (I love pretzels!). But you've got to do what you've got to do. The difference that this has made in my life was worth the sacrifice.

There were ripple effects, as well. Since my energy had improved by leaps and bounds, I questioned whether I needed to continue to guzzle caffeine day in and day out. I love coffee, but I was concerned about the shallow, rapid heartbeat that had become my new normal. After Thanksgiving, I went cold turkey and got off of the Joe. That change added even more health benefits.

It's unfortunate that wheat causes so many issues for me. I love pizza, pasta, and all kinds of bread and rolls and pastries. C'est la vie! Now that I realize how tired and foggy those things were making me feel, I'm happy to be rid of them. You can fight your body, but you're not going to win. Better to accept your limitations and move forward stronger than to stay stuck in a miserable rut. Onward and upward! Never look back.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Aggressive Drivers At Christmas Time

Wow! There are lots of aggressive drivers out there this week!

The other day while I was passing a tractor-trailer on the highway, a car came up behind me, tailgated, flashed his lights and beeped his horn repeatedly. I wasn't pacing the truck. I was doing at least seventy, and it took less than ten seconds to pass the big rig. Apparently that was way too much time for the impatient nitwit behind me to wait.

I pulled over into the right lane when I could do so safely. A blue Toyota Prius with a Jesus "fish" bumper sticker sped past. Really? Is this how Jesus would have treated his fellow motorists?

This evening, I saw a yellow pickup truck pass a bunch of cars doing 100 miles per hour on the shoulder blowing a huge cloud of dust in his wake. Earlier today, an Audi tailgated me so closely that I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

Those were isolated incidents. I can't count the number of aggressive idiots that I've seen in the past few days.

Come on, people! It's Christmas! Some of us would like to get home safely and enjoy the holidays with our loved ones. We don't need a bunch of selfish, impatient maniacs spewing road rage and putting fellow travelers in danger. Put your ego in check and stop trying to kill people. It's not nice!

How I Got My Life Back - Part 3

In June of this year, I drove out of state for a weekend visit with my parents. One morning while I was out there, I went for a three-mile jog. It wasn't a strenuous workout, and the distance was a shorter than my typical training runs at the time.

Nevertheless, shortly after I stopped running, my knee started to hurt. This wasn't the same knee pain that I described in Part 1. It felt different, and it was on the other leg.

I decided to take some time off from running. A week later, I sailed through a five-mile run around my neighborhood. I felt great. There was no pain at all while I was running. But an hour or two later - BAM! It hit me, and it was worse than before.

I realized that this was a serious injury. It was going to take some time to heal. I didn't run at all for two months, and the knee was sore that whole time. Walking down stairs was quite painful. Stooping down to pick something up made me see stars. Finally in August, I tried to run again, but the pain was still there. I decided to give it one more month of rest.

By mid-September, I hadn't run for three months. I was feeling sore and out of shape. Little did I know that things were about to get worse.

I tried to run one more time in September, but the pain persisted. By now, I was quite concerned. Usually two months is enough time to heal a running injury. I had been idle for three months, yet saw no improvement.

A few days later, I woke up with considerable pain in my lower back. It was hard to do anything comfortably. It took a major effort to sit up from the bed or to lie back down. Walking was very painful; tentative "baby steps" were about all that I could manage. Sitting at the computer was difficult. It took a tremendous amount of determination just to get through the work day.

So, to summarize my situation in late September -

Despite three months of inactivity, my knee was still very sore. My back was in so much pain that I could barely walk. I was under extreme pressure at the office and working long hours to appease a difficult boss. I had things going on in my personal life that demanded considerable time and attention every day. And then, out of the blue, some other personal situation blew up unexpectedly for totally bullshit reasons. There was even a weekend in there where, despite all of the pain that I was experiencing, I had to help someone move.

It was a lot to cope with, and I was fast approaching a breaking point. I knew that I needed help. And I knew whom I needed to call. I just needed to find his number.

(to be continued)

The Runner's Strategy

Long-distance running provides a useful analogue for any major project or endeavor. Runners follow a time-tested strategy when they race and train:

- Start slowly
- Keep going
- Keep an eye on the road and your footing
- Relax
- Expect things to get tough at some point
- Adjust the pace when necessary (faster or slower)
- Pay attention when something doesn't feel right
- Enjoy the journey
- Resist the urge to give up

Follow these steps, and you'll have a good chance of reaching your goal, whether it's running a 10k race, planning a big event, learning a new skill, publishing a book, or finishing a university degree.

Good luck, and keep going!

Darkest Night

It's the longest, darkest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, and it feels like it.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Baptisms, Weddings, and Funerals

Baptism. Wedding. Funeral.

The beginning of life, the joining of lives, and the end of life.

We associate weddings and funerals with strong emotions. Weddings are joyful, exciting occasions with the promise of lasting happiness. Funerals help us to mitigate the grief and despair that we feel for lost loved ones.

Which of the three is most important? Baptism.

At the baptism, we celebrate a new life, a life that has all of its potential. And we invite a new soul to become a part of the community of Christ.

Marriages fail. They can be ended legally or annulled altogether. Sadly, most of them will be.

The dead can pass on without the benefit of a funeral. It happens somewhere every day.

But Baptism is different. It's irrevocable. Whether our lives end up being productive or catastrophic, once baptized, we are forever recognized by the Kingdom of Heaven, and Heaven doesn't care about the rest.

2016 - The Year In Brief

This has been tough year.

I lost several people whom I loved most dearly.

I suffered agonizing, inconsolable grief.

But every day, I got up, put on my shoes, and went to work. I worked hard.

In the evenings and on weekends, I continued to work hard creating beautiful things to share with my friends, my family, and anyone who expressed an interest.

Finally and most importantly, in my heart and through my actions, I devoted genuine effort toward learning from past mistakes and becoming a better person.

It has been a rough year. I handled each new challenge as well as I could, but in some ways that will never be enough. Some things can't be changed. Some tragedies cannot be rewound. Some beautiful, wonderful people have been lost forever, and other things will remain broken for a long, long time.

Open Casket Funeral

Open casket funeral. Very tough. All you can do is hold back the tears and hope that you're saying the right things as you stammer and mumble your way through a cloud of grief.

How I Got My Life Back - Part 2

Part Two of the story dates back nearly as far as part one. I'm not sure exactly when the problem started, but I do recall noticing some difficulties in my mid-thirties.

The symptom was simple and very easy to notice. I noticed it, and other people noticed it. I was tired all the time. I slept a lot, but it never felt like enough. It was as though I was walking around every day, every hour, under a wet blanket of overwhelming, suffocating fatigue.

The fatigue hit me hardest when I was at work. Sitting through meetings was insufferable. Less than twenty minutes into the meeting, I wanted to curl up and drift into a coma.

The sudden need for sleep was a powerful urge and difficult to fight. My strategy for getting through meetings was to keep as much adrenaline flowing through my body as possible. I kept my muscles tensed, as though I were about to leap out of the chair. I sat on the edge of my seat; if I fell asleep, even for an instant, I would literally fall onto the floor.

I would focus intently on the person who was speaking at any given moment and listen closely to every word that they said. I held eye contact like a deranged sociopath. In my mind, I ran silent videos of adventurous feats like BASE diving or motorcycle racing. I did whatever I could think of to keep myself alert.

I sought physical solutions as well. I walked around a lot through the day. I abused caffeine. I avoided eating heavy foods at lunchtime. During times when I had a job where I was able to drive to work, I would skip lunch altogether and run out to the car for a nap at midday. I even figured out how to fall asleep standing up in an elevator just to add a few extra seconds of relaxation to the day.

These aggressive strategies didn't always work. Even though my torso was erect, my mind wasn't always fully present. My eyelids grew heavy very easily. This freaky thing would happen sometimes, especially in warm conference rooms, where one eye would stay open while the other fought to close. I must have looked as though I was having a partial seizure, but nobody ever said anything.

I began to feel the impact of the fatigue at home a few years ago when I started to compose music again. Composing uses a lot of mental horsepower. If your brain tired, composing feels like lifting weights with muscles that have no feeling.

I found that naps gave me temporary relief. During the years that I rode on commuter trains, I frequently napped in both directions. (Luckily, I never missed my stop!) Whenever I traveled long distances by car, I typically had to pull over at a rest stop for a cat nap.

In recent years, I took to napping at home in the early evening or on weekends. It helped, but the naps were getting longer. Years ago, thirty to forty-five minutes would energize me. Lately, I needed two to three hours or more to feel any benefit.

Naturally, my profound fatigue raised concerns about my health. I consulted a number of medical doctors about it over the years. I have been tested for every fatigue-inducing illness that's likely to occur in the United States - Lyme disease, Epstein Barr, anemia, unusual blood sugar levels. Every test comes back negative. According to the medical profession, I'm perfectly healthy. Doctors have a specific look when they think that you're wasting their time. I know that look well.

I was desperate. Over the last couple of years, I started to question much longer I would be able to hold down a full-time job. My career and my very livelihood were in jeopardy.

Finally, in just the past few months, I discovered the solution. I am happy to report that today I am all but fatigue free! (I tell people that I feel like I'm twenty-five again, and it's true!)

But it wasn't easy to get here. The fix turned out to be quite simple, but finding it was anything but straightforward. A bizarre and difficult journey awaited me, a journey cursed with frustration and discomfort. That journey eventually lead me to a second angel, the person who discovered the solution to the fatigue problem. But I didn't consult him about the fatigue. I consulted him because I was in so much pain that I could barely walk.

(to be continued)

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

All I Can Do

Art Williams wrote a motivational best-seller called "All You Can Do Is All You Can Do, But All You Can Do Is Enough."

I always loved the title. It's mouthful, and the point may seem obvious, but it's actually a brilliant bit of wisdom.

We don't control our circumstances. We can't control what happens to us, and rest assured that they will - often without warning.

Jobs are terminated. We can't bribe the boss to take us back. We can't grovel at his feet. Doing so would lower his opinion of us even further.

Businesses fail. We can't convince the customers to give us another chance. We can't convince competitors and creditors to go easy on us so we can try again.

Lovers leave. We can't beg them to come back. It destroys our dignity and makes us look desperate and disgusting.

Serious injuries happen. There's no way to undo physical or emotional harm. We have to take patient, careful steps toward healing.

People die. We can't save them. We can't bring them back.

All we can to is all we can do. All we can do is pick up the pieces and move forward.

All I can do is all I can do, and I'm doing the best that I can.

I'm taking better care of my health.

I'm prioritizing my time and focusing on important people and projects.

I'm treating people better. I make sure that they most important people in my life feel appreciated.

I'm more mindful of my weaknesses and my deficiencies, and I am working to improve them.

I can't change the past. I can't get back what I've lost. But I'm doing what I can to move forward from this place as a better man.

I'm doing what I can. I hope that it's enough.

Slipstream

It's late

I'm racing fast

The cold air howls

As it flies past

The slipstream

Breaks around my head

My ears and arms

And chest and heart

Away it carries

Cares and worries

That once held me back

And casts them off

Behind me

On a hard, cold, distant

Roadway

Best avoided

Monday, December 19, 2016

Three Questions

When times are tough, ask yourself three questions:

1. What is most important in my life?

2. Who loves me, respects me, and cares for me?

3. Who has always stood by me through good times and bad?

Pay close attention to the answers that you hear in your mind and in your heart. That is where you need to be spending your time and your energy.

The World According To Trump

Today, two brazen terror attacks in Berlin and Turkey sent shock waves through the world.

Today, a spineless Electoral College formalized the election of Donald Trump as the next President of the United States.

The President-elect denies the existence of global warming while elevating numerous "oil men" to his cabinet as Secretary of State and Secretary of Energy.

The President-elect denies the influence of Russian state-sponsored hackers on the election while propagating lies about rampant voter fraud.

The President-elect sparred publicly with China while the Chinese military was voluntarily returning a lost drone to the U.S. Navy.

The President-elect refuses to attend security briefings while terrorism runs rampant.

Today was a very bad day for America and for the world.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Winter Hikes

The cold air
Tonight
Reminds me
of Winter Hikes
In the woods
With my father
Hikes
That had no purpose
Except
To be out there
Enjoying and Exploring
The wonderful gifts of Nature
And perhaps to stage
An unspoken dare -
How far can we go
In the bitter chill
Before turning back
Toward home?

A little older
I started to go out on
Hikes Like That
By myself
In a long, heavy coat
And rugged boots
Lined with felt
To keep
My toes from freezing.
No reason
Just to be Out There
That's all
Enjoying and Exploring
The wonderful gifts
The thrills and chills
Of Nature

Supportive Thoughts and Gestures

I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all those who have shared supportive thoughts and prayers over the past few months. It has been a difficult time for me and for my family, but it's comforting to know that so many people care about our well-being.

I would like to ask that you please keep all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, and associates in mind this holiday season. The past few months have presented their share of challenges, to be sure, but ultimately, I live a charmed life. Every day, I enjoy blessings beyond what I could ever have imagined possible. Many, many people struggle with issues that are far more serious than anything that I have faced - critical health concerns, difficult marriages, the loss of a spouse, child, or parent, job loss, homelessness, addiction, and extreme financial pressure.

Everyone you know is struggling with some challenge at this very moment, even if they show no hint of difficulty. They will take strength from every kind word and supportive gesture that you offer. So please offer that support generously. It matters, and it makes a difference.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Moment It Hits You

I was tired today. I woke up tired, exhausted from weeks of eleven-hour days with weekend work piled on top of it. I wasn't ready for bad news, but bad news was ready for me, and it stormed in from multiple sources.

The most unwelcome revelation arrived via email. A beloved elderly relative was taken off of life support and moved back into her home for hospice care.

When I read this, I went numb. I was already struggling, but my productivity dropped to zero from that point on. I needed to get out of the office. I needed to walk. I needed fresh air.

I walked home. It takes about an hour, but I look forward to the relaxation that the time and the exercise afford me. Walking often transports me away from my troubles; it seemed to work wonders for me today.

I thought about the future, about things that I will have the chance to photograph next year, about adventures that I can have and the people who will be there to enjoy them with me.

I felt better. I felt relief. I felt disconnected from the problems not only of the day but of the past few months, months that have been particularly difficult for my family.

When I arrived home, that's when it hit me. That's when it all came crashing down. My voice cracked as I told my wife the news. I managed to get out that I was going to cry and then sobbed in her arms as she comforted me.

It's been a long time since I've shed tears like that. It's been years. But there's only so much grief that one person can carry around. Today, I reached my limit. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I'll be thinking about that bright future once again. There's no going back, and I can't handle any more bad news.

Meditation - 14 December 2016

From the place where I am today, a place endowed with joys and sorrows, each in considerable measure, how can I move forward in the most positive, meaningful, and fulfilling way? What steps can I take to bring joy into my own heart and into the lives of others, joy that nourishes the soul and helps to heal the wounds and the disappointments of the past?

How will I find this special path?

How will I know what to do when I encounter it?

How can I walk it's length and find purpose and love and celebration in every mile?

How can I be sure that I am treating others with respect and dignity along the way?

How can I most effectively focus my attention away from grief and loss and turn my thoughts to a bright and uplifting future?

South Of Someplace