How I Got My Life Back - Part 2

Part Two of the story dates back nearly as far as part one. I'm not sure exactly when the problem started, but I do recall noticing some difficulties in my mid-thirties.

The symptom was simple and very easy to notice. I noticed it, and other people noticed it. I was tired all the time. I slept a lot, but it never felt like enough. It was as though I was walking around every day, every hour, under a wet blanket of overwhelming, suffocating fatigue.

The fatigue hit me hardest when I was at work. Sitting through meetings was insufferable. Less than twenty minutes into the meeting, I wanted to curl up and drift into a coma. 

The sudden need for sleep was a powerful urge and difficult to fight. My strategy for getting through meetings was to keep as much adrenaline flowing through my body as possible. I kept my muscles tensed, as though I were about to leap out of the chair. I sat on the edge of my seat; if I fell asleep, even for an instant, I would literally fall onto the floor. 

I would focus intently on the person who was speaking at any given moment and listen closely to every word that they said. I held eye contact like a deranged sociopath. In my mind, I ran silent videos of adventurous feats like BASE diving or motorcycle racing. I did whatever I could think of to keep myself alert.

I sought physical solutions as well. I walked around a lot through the day. I abused caffeine. I avoided eating heavy foods at lunchtime. During times when I had a job where I was able to drive to work, I would skip lunch altogether and run out to the car for a nap at midday. I even figured out how to fall asleep standing up in an elevator just to add a few extra seconds of relaxation to the day.

These aggressive strategies didn't always work. Even though my torso was erect, my mind wasn't always fully present. My eyelids grew heavy very easily. This freaky thing would happen sometimes, especially in warm conference rooms, where one eye would stay open while the other fought to close. I must have looked as though I was having a partial seizure, but nobody ever said anything.

I began to feel the impact of the fatigue at home a few years ago when I started to compose music again. Composing uses a lot of mental horsepower. If your brain tired, composing feels like lifting weights with muscles that have no feeling.

I found that naps gave me temporary relief. During the years that I rode on commuter trains, I frequently napped in both directions. (Luckily, I never missed my stop!) Whenever I traveled long distances by car, I typically had to pull over at a rest stop for a cat nap. 

In recent years, I took to napping at home in the early evening or on weekends. It helped, but the naps were getting longer. Years ago, thirty to forty-five minutes would energize me. Lately, I needed two to three hours or more to feel any benefit.

Naturally, my profound fatigue raised concerns about my health. I consulted a number of medical doctors about it over the years. I have been tested for every fatigue-inducing illness that's likely to occur in the United States - Lyme disease, Epstein Barr, anemia, unusual blood sugar levels. Every test comes back negative. According to the medical profession, I'm perfectly healthy. Doctors have a specific look when they think that you're wasting their time. I know that look well.

I was desperate. Over the last couple of years, I started to question much longer I would be able to hold down a full-time job. My career and my very livelihood were in jeopardy.

Finally, in just the past few months, I discovered the solution. I am happy to report that today I am all but fatigue free! (I tell people that I feel like I'm twenty-five again, and it's true!) 

But it wasn't easy to get here. The fix turned out to be quite simple, but finding it was anything but straightforward. A bizarre and difficult journey awaited me, a journey cursed with frustration and discomfort. That journey eventually lead me to a second angel, the person who discovered the solution to the fatigue problem. But I didn't consult him about the fatigue. I consulted him because I was in so much pain that I could barely walk.

(to be continued)

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