South Of Someplace: September 2018

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Your Philosophy

Your philosophy

Could be just what no one needs

Think before sharing

Abilities Diminish With Age

Abilities diminish with age, especially the ability to tolerate B.S.

Friday, September 28, 2018

Wisdom and Mistakes

Wisdom is a by-product of mistakes, yours or someone else’s. Learn from others. Spare yourself.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

New York Minute 107 - Unsanitary Condition

This was a first. The subway that I was riding this morning stopped at a station and sat there for a few minutes before the conductor made an announcement. She said that the train was going to be delayed due to “an unsanitary condition in one of the cars.”

I don’t know if you’ve ever ridden the subways in New York, but sanitary they are not! Whatever happened must have been ghastly.

The conductor said that they were going to have to close off the fouled car before they could move again. I opted to take a different line and walk the extra blocks to my destination. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with a stinking mess.

The Kavanaugh Hearing

I went for a meeting on the trading floor just as Brett Kavanaugh began reading his opening remarks in the hearing where he is addressing allegations of sexual misconduct. TV monitors around the room displayed the video feed along with the usual array of scrolling headlines and stock tickers. This isn’t unusual; traders watch news and financial reports throughout day and make decisions based on unfolding events.

What catapulted his particular moment into an unprecedented level of bizarreness was the fact that several people around the room were streaming the video on their PCs and playing the audio at full volume. Kavanaugh’s angry monologue echoed loudly through the room. I heard someone ask, “Why is he shouting at us?”

I joked with someone that I know there that this broadcast could be considered a violation of HR policy. They didn’t bother to reply. Apparently, no subject is too tawdry for a trading floor.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Why You Should Get A Flu Shot

Thirty thousand Americans died of gunshot wounds last year. Another thirty-five thousand died in motor vehicle crashes. The flu killed more than all of those people combined. That’s right. The flu killed 80,000 people in the United States during the last flu season. Don’t be a statistic. Get vaccinated today.

Restaurant Pet Peeves

- Waiting to be seated.

- Waiting to order when you’re hungry.

- Waiting for the check when you want to leave and your server disappears.

- Being seated too closely to other patrons.

- Sticky or slimy menus.

- Spotty or crusty silverware.

- Bad music.

- Arrogant service.

- Strong smells from the kitchen or from neighboring tables.

- Flies.

- Dirty restrooms. (Where do the food handlers wash their hands?)

- Tables where the person with the loudest or most unpleasant voice talks the most (or constantly).

- Guests who blow their noses into cloth napkins.

- People who give you dirty looks for giving them a dirty look when you see them blowing their nose into a cloth napkin.

- Disappointing desserts.

- Overpriced drinks.

- Stomach aches.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Your Improbable Dream

If reaching your dream seems improbable, don’t let yourself become discouraged. Dreams are improbable by nature. If something were likely to happen, it wouldn’t be much of a dream. It would be mundane reality, like Tuesday.

A dream should inspire you. It should encourage you to be dedicated, to work hard, to be patient and committed and wise. A dream should drive you to give your very best. You won’t be driven to reach a goal that you are already likely to attain.

What’s improbable is not impossible, it’s simply unlikely. It’s against the odds. We can improve those odds by working consistently, by showing dedication and commitment, by doing the right things at the right time in the right way, and by taking corrective action when necessary. It’s important to remain positive, to keep our focus, to be open to helpful opportunities, and to reject the notion of giving up.

Chase your improbable dream with all of your heart. Chase it with dedication, wise choices, and abundant enthusiasm. Think about how amazing it will feel when you finally achieve that elusive outcome, when you have beaten the odds.

Occasionally Annoying Friends

Treasure the friends who annoy you occasionally. They’re not afraid to tell you the truth.

New York Minute 106 - Headphone Checkout

I was standing in the checkout line at Walgreen’s this morning. The line crept forward until the next person to be served was a young lady wearing a pair of fancy headphones. When her turn came, one of the clerks called out, “Following guest?” There was no response. The lady didn’t move a muscle. Her headphones had blocked out the clerk’s voice.

“New guest on line!” he called out more urgently. The young lady remained motionless, oblivious to his invitation.

“Miss!” a middle-aged woman in line behind me called in frustration. There was still no reaction from the lady with the headphones.

Finally, she looked up spontaneously and noticed a row of clerks staring back at her. “Sorry!” she gasped as she dashed forward.

The woman behind me could not contain her displeasure. “Them and their damned headphones!”

Friday, September 21, 2018

New York Minute 105 - Disease and Desperation

There are lots of cars in New York City. Traffic is often heavy here, and gridlock is common at peak hours. But at its core, New York is a city of pedestrians. Many residents don’t own cars. That can be difficult for non-city dwellers to comprehend, but think of the challenges of keeping a car in the city. The cost of insurance is prohibitively high. Street parking is limited and subject to regulations that force you to move your car regularly. Garage parking is expensive. Public transportation can take you almost anywhere, so the expense and hassle of owning a car is, for a lot of people, an unnecessary burden.

Most New Yorkers get around by walking or taking public transportation, taxis, and ride sharing services. The upshot of living in a pedestrian centered city is that as we come in contact with a lot of people, people of all shapes and sizes, all ages and ethnicities, and from a wide array of professions and income levels. Some of them are well off; many are destitute. Most are somewhere in the middle. On any given subway car, you’re likely to find homeless people riding along side of millionaires, business executives riding with students or workers who earn the minimum wage. New York is and always has been a melting pot.

Some of the most disturbing and heartbreaking encounters involve people who are extremely sick or disfigured. I saw young man that I saw panhandling on the subway a couple of weeks ago who was in shockingly bad physical condition. I was so troubled by his sickly appearance that I gave him some money. As a rule, I never give to panhandlers, because I don’t want to encourage their behavior, but this pathetic fellow pulled strongly on my heartstrings.

He was a White guy in his early twenties, tall and slender with glasses and red hair cropped short in a crew cut. Despite wearing a massive brace on one leg, he struggled to walk. One of his arms was fixed in a bent position; with the other arm, he grasped onto poles to maintain his balance as he worked his way through the car.

But it was more than lack of mobility that distinguished this poor fellow. His complexion was pale and sickly to a degree that I have never seen before. He looked frightfully anemic and looked to be suffering from some ghastly disease. When I put the money into his cup, he tried to thank me but didn’t even have the strength to muster a whisper. He looked at me with sorrowful green eyes that seemed desperate to communicate with someone, anyone. It was a profoundly heartbreaking experience.

Never take your health for granted. Being in even reaonably good health is the greatest of blessings, and having full mobility is a gift beyond measure.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

New York Minute 104 - Subway Seltzer

The subway was crowded this morning. A lot of people boarded at my station, squeezing into the cars and standing wherever they could find space. One lady was carrying a bottle of seltzer water. I don’t know if she was planning to drink the seltzer or remove stains from the interior of the subway car.

At one point, the lady loosened the cap, and seltzer squirted out of the bottle. She must have shaken it during her walk, because it spilled out onto the floor. Worse, it sprayed onto the suit of the well-dressed man standing next to her. The guy didn’t say anything as he wiped the excess liquid off of his clothing, but he looked rather annoyed.

A few feet away, a lady who looked like comedian Amy Schumer stood chatting with another man. I began to picture Amy Schumer doing a stand-up comedy routine about a woman who brings a bottle of pressurized seltzer water onto the subway. “Who DOES that, anyway? Was she planning to have cocktails with the conductor? Was the guy in the suit supposed to bring cheese and crackers to this affair? That’ll teach him to forget the gouda!”

Deep Forest Dream

I dreamt that I was running naked through a lush, green forest. I could smell the leaves, the bark of the trees, and the dirt of the trail. The cool air streamed across the contours of my bare skin.

When I awoke, I felt shocked, confused, and mildly embarrassed. I couldn’t imagine myself doing something so bold, so daring. It seemed out of character. I never run without shoes.

Monday, September 17, 2018

New York Minute 103 - Post-Run Stretch

After my morning run yesterday, I stopped to stretch my legs at the steps of one of the townhouses on my street. I do this all the time. My building doesn’t have an external staircase, and the neighbors don’t seem to mind. I shudder to think what might happen if I stopped by a strange house in small town America and tried stretching there, but I digress.

Lots of people were outside on this warm, clear day. As I was stretching, a woman walked past holding a young girl by the hand. I didn’t notice them as the passed me, as my back was turned, and I was in mid stretch. But ten or so paces down the sidewalk, they stopped and turned to look back in my direction.

The child was about three or four years old with big head of curly blond hair. She looked like Shirley Temple, but a little younger than we remember her from the movies. Apparently, she was curious as to why this large, sweaty, gray-haired man in shorts was twisting himself into awkward positions on a staircase.

“He’s stretching,” the lady explained, as she flashed a warm smile. I assume that she was the child’s grandmother, as she was about my age. The girl was so cute. She looked predictably confused. The ponderous look on her cherubic face was priceless.

Friday, September 14, 2018

New York Minute 102 - Tattoo Interview

When I stepped out for my coffee break yesterday, I passed a woman with a video camera interviewing a man with a face full of tattoos. I gave them a fleeting glance and kept walking, because that’s what we do in this town.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

New York Minute 101 - Subway Fried Rice

A young woman stepped onto the crowded subway car and stood beside me as she ate a smelly fried rice dish from an aluminum tin with a plastic fork. I couldn’t move to another part of the car; there wasn’t enough room.

At one point, I glanced at her and noticed a piece of rice hanging from her lower lip. Despite the fact that the smell of her dinner was making me nauseous, I thought that the right thing to do would be to alert her to the fact that she had food hanging from her face. I was about to open my mouth when I realized that it wasn’t a piece of rice at all. She had a metal stud sticking out of her lip.

New York Minute 100 - Post Office Interactions

I stopped by the post office with a couple of stamped envelopes in hand. As I walked toward the quiet corner of the lobby where the drop slots were located, I noticed a middle-aged lady pacing in the area and looking confused. She was no more than a few feet away when I reached up and slipped the envelopes into the letter slot, which, inexplicably, was nearly six feet off of the floor and much higher than more people’s eye level.

“Jesus Christ!” the woman shouted loudly in exasperation. “I was looking for that. Thank you!”

“It’s kind of high,” I remarked calmly.

As I walked out the exit, I noticed a man in his seventies approaching the steps with a wheeled suitcase. It’s only about four stairs from the sidewalk to the entrance level, but I figured that it would be easier for him to take the ramp at a nearby entrance. I motioned in that direction as I suggested this option to him.

“I don’t want to walk that far,” the man explained as he struggled to carry the suitcase up the steps. “I have good days and bad days,” he continued. “Today is not a good day.”

A few paces down the sidewalk, I noticed a lady stepping out of the passenger side of a parked car. She seemed to be about the same age as the man with the suitcase, or perhaps a bit older, but it was hard to tell. She was able bodied and walked with ease, but her face was severely disfigured with plastic surgery.

Election Thursday

It’s Election Day in New York. Yes, it’s Thursday. We do things a little different ‘round here.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

9/11/2018

Today, I would like to ask you to remember the families that grieve not only on this day every year, but also on birthdays, on anniversaries, on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day and many other holidays, during vacations, family reunions, and every time that they look in the direction of an empty chair, a chair where a loved one once sat and laughed and enjoyed life and food and family before they went to work on that sunny Tuesday morning and never returned.

Today, I would ask you to remember the three hundred forty-three firefighters and seventy-one law enforcement officers who ran into two crippled, burning office towers in hopes of saving lives, only to lose their own.

Today, I would ask you to remember the fourteen hundred rescue workers who have died since their exposure to the toxins and corrosive dust of Ground Zero.

I would ask you to remember the citizens of the more than sixty countries who were killed in the 9/11 attacks, from Argentina to Venezuela, from Italy to India, from Switzerland to South Korea, from Mexico to the Dominican Republic, from Canada to the United Kingdom, from Jamaica to Japan. I would ask you to realize that this was more than an attack on a single country; it was an attack on civilization and humanity.

Finally, I would ask, as I do every year, that you would remember my colleague Richard Rosenthal. If you are so inclined, please keep Richard’s family in your prayers this week.

Thank you.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Don’t Worry About It

If it’s not actually happening, you don’t need to worry about it.

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Tribalism and Narcissism in Politics

Donald Trump is not America’s biggest problem. The mindset that elected him is, along with the partisan tribalism that insulates his administration from constitutional checks and balances.

Sooner or later, frustrated American voters will be captivated by another malignant narcissist, but the next one will be more polished and disciplined than the current president. The darkness of their character will be well disguised by a veneer or calculating shrewdness. They will have learned from Mr. Trump’s mistakes and, in all likelihood, will not manage a business empire that’s beholden to foreign investors. Their shrewdness and lack of inherent legal jeopardy will make it more difficult to remove them from office. If a person like that manages to become President of the United States, and if that person’s party controls most or all branches of government, American democracy will face a mortal threat from within, a threat that may very well destroy it.

Step Up Or Shut Up

Step up or shut up. Whenever you’re tempted to complain, to waste time, or fall back into negative habits, stop and rewrite the script of what is about to happen. Seize that moment as an opportunity to do something positive, to take a powerful, deliberate, assertive step in the direction of your goals. Put yourself into a situation where the results that you want have a good chance of occurring.

Go out and do this now, even if it feels challenging or uncomfortable. Discomfort is a toll gate for growth and change. The sooner you pay that toll and pay it in full, the faster you’ll move forward. Get up, get going, and get down to business. The path upward leads outward.

Jazz Records

I have jazz records

But I can’t listen to them

So much better live

Friday, September 7, 2018

No Time To Get Drunk

I wish I had time to get wasted. When I retire, I’ll have to drink more.

Astounding Religious Hypocrisy

In a gesture of perhaps unintended but nevertheless ridiculous religious hypocrisy, a private Christian college has announced that they will no longer use Nike brand gear in their athletic program in protest of the new Nike ad featuring Colin Kaepernick. They feel that the ad is an insult to the country and our flag. First of all, Mr. Kaepernick never protested the country or the flag. He protested police brutality against people of color in our country. But the most astounding thing is that despite claiming to be a Christian college, they seem to be blind to the fact that Jesus had little regard for countries or earthly power constructs. He preached that his followers were members of the Kingdom of Heaven, which in his view, was the only kingdom of any importance. Would Jesus have rebuked Colin Kaepernick for standing up for the rights of unfairly persecuted people? We can’t know the answer, but I’m pretty sure that Jesus would not have criticized anyone for their disregard of flags, kings, or countries.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

The Locker Room At The Gym

The locker room at the gym, where you can see everything that you don’t want to see and a whole lot more.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

A Uniquely Talented Politician

I have to give Trump credit. He is a uniquely talented politician. Who else could make George W. Bush look so presidential?

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Disappointment And Expectations

Disappointment is function of expectation. If we invite someone over for dinner and they cancel at the last minute, we’ll feel disappointed because their actions did not meet our expectations. If they cancel on us repeatedly, our disappointment may become severe and turn into anger or despair.

But we can manage our expectations and in so doing manage our reaction to negative outcomes. If a friend routinely cancels on dinner plans, we can lower our expectations as to whether they are likely to make it. That way, if they don’t show up, we won’t be disappointed.

If they do come to one of our dinner parties, we can view that as a bonus, an unexpected pleasure. We can say, “Oh, I didn’t think you were going to make it, since you cancelled the last seventeen times. But that’s okay! Come on in! There’s plenty of food, and I’ve set up a special table for you out in the garage.”

Famous Movies Described In Haiku

Yank shoots Nazi thug

Sends ex love on plane with hub

Finds a new best friend

Tornadoes are bad

What you need you’ve always had

There’s no place like home

Darth is really mean

Daft stormtroopers have bad aim

Heroes blast machine

Strange black rock on moon

A-I kills the spaceship crew

Yes we’re still confused

Two guys ride big bikes

Through the land in changing times

What peace will they find?

After college ends

Girlfriend’s mom gets boy in bed

Can he make amends?

Simple Southern man

Meets two friends in Vietnam

Always loves his mom

Aggravated vet

Saves young hooker from a pimp

Drives a cab at night

Try to help this kid

Are the ghosts just in his head?

Find out in the end

Danger in the sea

Town won’t close its busy beach

Bigger boat they’ll need

Golf’s a rich man’s game

Friendly wager - who will pay?

Gopher’s in the way

Enterprising lad

Selling sex at parents’ pad

Fixes car for dad

Canoe trip with friends

Land of savage mountain men

Navigate the threat

Spirits haunt New York

Gang of goofballs round them up

But the big one’s tough

Fam’ly vacation

The thrill of learning to dance

And falling in love

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Remembering Senator John McCain

This morning we watched the memorial service for Senator John McCain which was broadcast live from the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. The tributes were touching, the guest list, singularly impressive. Senator McCain inspired a lot of people over the course of his military service and his decades-long political career. He inspired us with his wit, his charm, his commitment to service, and his ability to bridge gaps in order to move important policies forward. But mostly, he inspired us with his unwavering dedication to country, a dedication that was forged and hardened in the dungeons and torture chambers of his North Vietnamese captors during the brutal five-and-a-half years that McCain spent as a prisoner of war.

Senator McCain’s service to his country will be honored and remembered long into the future. He was one of the last acting politicians who was willing to set partisanship aside in order to do what’s best for the nation, its people, and the world. We can only hope that a new generation of politicians will follow Senator McCain’s lead and dedicate their careers to the ideals that he held so dear, civility and mutual respect, open, honest dialog, common sense, the desire to compromise when necessary in order to make progress, and a dedication to country that rises above partisanship, sponsorship, or the rancor of tribalistic propaganda.

Rest in peace, Senator McCain. You have inspired us, all of us, and you have done more for your country that you will ever be able to know. We thank you, this one final time, for your service. Godspeed.