New York Minute 104 - Subway Seltzer

The subway was crowded this morning. A lot of people boarded at my station, squeezing into the cars and standing wherever they could find space. One lady was carrying a bottle of seltzer water. I don’t know if she was planning to drink the seltzer or remove stains from the interior of the subway car.

At one point, the lady loosened the cap, and seltzer squirted out of the bottle. She must have shaken it during her walk, because it spilled out onto the floor. Worse, it sprayed onto the suit of the well-dressed man standing next to her. The guy didn’t say anything as he wiped the excess liquid off of his clothing, but he looked rather annoyed.

A few feet away, a lady who looked like comedian Amy Schumer stood chatting with another man. I began to picture Amy Schumer doing a stand-up comedy routine about a woman who brings a bottle of pressurized seltzer water onto the subway. “Who DOES that, anyway? Was she planning to have cocktails with the conductor? Was the guy in the suit supposed to bring cheese and crackers to this affair? That’ll teach him to forget the gouda!”

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