South Of Someplace: October 2016

Monday, October 31, 2016

Happy Halloween, Movie Lovers!

I don't go out to the movies very often anymore mostly due to time constraints. But there was a point in my life where I was going to the cinema almost every week.

At one point, I dated a lady who was also a movie fan. In addition to being quite well-read, she had lived in Los Angeles for a while. It's hard to live in L.A. and not pick up some affinity for the movie industry.

We saw lots of films together, and most of the time, we both liked them. Our tastes were reasonably similar. She didn't share my excitement for escapist, high-testosterone action films, but she would go along and be a good sport, and we'd usually have a nice time.

My friend had a passion for quirky artistic films. She was always trying to get people to watch these offbeat productions even though they're the kind of film that most people wouldn't like.

Inevitably, she wanted me to watch her favorites. From time to time, we would rent one - this was in the era when you would go to a brick and mortar store and rent films on VHS. Unfortunately, these evenings didn't always work out well.

If after watching one of her favorite films movies I didn't share her enthusiasm, she would get upset with me. Not "get out, I never want to see you again" upset, but upset enough not to be able to contain her disappointment.

At the time, I found this reaction to be rather perplexing. So what if we didn't like all of the same movies? We enjoyed watching lots of films together. Wasn't that enough? Everyone has their own unique tastes and preferences. I don't expect my friends to like everything that I like, and vice versa. Most of my friends don't listen to Classical music; that doesn't mean that I think less of our friendship.

I could have fibbed and pretended that I liked the movies. I just couldn't bring myself to be disingenuous. What's the point of perpetuating a lie? Luckily, these clashes didn't happen often.

I do remember a couple of times where the reverse occurred. I loved the movie, but she hated it. This didn't upset me, of course. It was kind of fun to argue about it over dinner.

One chilly Friday evening, we rented "Romeo Is Bleeding," starring the ultra sexy Lena Olin and one of my favorite actors of all time, Gary Oldman. I wouldn't blame anyone for disliking this film. It is admittedly bizarre. It has its fair share of brutal violence. It goes to very dark places emotionally, situations that can shock you into looking at your own life differently. I have met only a handful of people over the years who appreciate this film, but they feel strongly about it as I do.

As the credits rolled on "Romeo," my friend asked me what I thought. "That is like the best film that I have ever seen!" I gasped. She looked at me in shock. "You're kidding!"

The other time we disagreed to a similar degree was when we went to see "The Crow," directed by Alex Proyas and staring the late Brandon Lee. I found this film so amazing, I had to watch it three times. My friend hated it, of course. HATED it! Yes, that led to an interesting conversation over dinner.

So, why after all these years am I thinking about these movies again? Partly, because I still hold them in high regard. But mostly because "The Crow" takes place on Devil's Night! Woo hoo!

So, have a Happy Halloween! And make it a point to get out and see some movies this holiday season. There's nothing quite like the magic of the silver screen.

Friday, October 28, 2016

The Scariest Halloween Costume

I wonder how many guys are planning to put on a suit and tie and an orange wig this weekend so they can go to a party and fondle some bottoms and boobies. Yes, that would be frightening.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

The Way You See Yourself

If the world doesn't see you the way that you see yourself, maybe the world isn't the one who needs to change.

The Best Way To Deal With A Negative World

The best way to deal with a negative world is to be a positive person. This is also the best way to help heal a negative world.

Monday, October 24, 2016

How To Get Things Done

1. Make time even when there isn't much time. If you have five minutes, use it.

2. Always start with something easy.

3. Never push yourself too hard.

4. When the results come in, don't get frustrated. Make adjustments.

5. When all else fails, go back to steps 1 and 2.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Recalibration

Life is going well. I'm doing many of the right things, making progress on rewarding projects, spending time with imspiring people. My career is going well at the moment. Things are great at home. Everyone in the family is healthy, and my own health got a nice boost courtesy of recent dietary changes.

Nevertheless, I am sensing some frustration that can't be explained away easily. I was ready to blame this on stress or the political climate, but I suspect that the cause goes deeper.

It's a good idea to recalibrate our lives and our objectives from time to time. No one is immune to inertia. When our lives and actions become routine, our direction follow a pre-programmed path. It's important to review that path in order to verify that they are still heading in the right direction. Our needs change over time; what was important years ago might need to be trimmed back to make time for new pursuits and objectives.

We feel tension when our actions don't match our desires. Our internal guidance system experiences confusion. It's as though we are driving down a busy avenue with traffic lights that show green and red at the same time. We hesitate. We don't know what to do. We fear the consequences of driving forward. Recalibration helps is get back on track. Not all of the lights will be green, but at least they'll all be giving the same indication at the same time.

Over the coming weeks, I'll be doing some reflecting in this area. I have come up with a series of questions to help guide that reflection, though I'll no doubt think of more along the way. Here are some of the key ideas.

- What things can I do in the coming year that will bring me the most satisfaction? I can focus this question on specific roles. What would be most satisfying to me as a photographer, for instance? As a composer? What would inspire the most satisfaction in my personal life? In my spiritual and intellectual development?

- What do I want to accomplish - as a composer, writer, photographer, dancer, etc?

- What would I most enjoy learning? What things would I enjoy being able to do in a year that I cannot do today?

- What are my health and exercise targets? How can I work consistently toward those goals while enjoying the process from week to week?

- Where would I like to spend my weekends and my vacation time? Which favorite places would I like to visit again? What would I like to see for the very first time?

- I have limited time to spend with my family. How can we spend our time together so it's most enjoyable for everyone? What types of things would we like to do together, and what plans should we be making now?

Questions like this can help guide our thoughts, but the process works best when we avoid the urge to rush to an answer. Think about the question. Ponder it for a few days. See what ideas come to mind when you're not really paying attention. After some time, you can do some brainstorming. But it's best to give your mind (and your heart) a chance to work out the responses.

Recalibration is critical. Socrates said that "the unexamined life is not worth living." Reflect a bit each day, but never push for an answer. The answers will arrive in their own time like vegetables from a garden. The peas are ready before the corn, and the corn before the squash.

If we gain insights within a few days, that's terrific. If it takes longer, a month or more, that's fine, too. Not every problem can be solved in a day. Ideas will mature in their own time. We simply have to ask and be patient.

Favorite Films: Easy Rider

By the mid 1960's, a powerful countercultural movement emerged in the post-war baby boomer generation. Inspired by the Civil Rights movement and restless 1950's iconoclasts like Lenny Bruce, Jack Kerouac, and J.D. Salinger, the counterculture challenged a wide array of societal norms and conventions such as the role of women and minorities in society and the use of the military draft for the prosecution of foreign wars.

The counterculture ambitiously championed a number of smaller movements including environmentalism, the Women's Movement, the sexual revolution, desegregation, a push to lower the voting age to 18 (formerly 21), and fierce opposition to military action in Southeast Asia.

These were radical changes, and change always meets opposition. Many people staunchly defended the traditional values of the Establishment. Clashes between the two camps were sometimes violent as was witnessed at 1968's Democratic National Convention in Chicago.

The counterculture rose to prominence in parallel with the popularity of rock music. The 1968 film Easy Rider broke new ground by portraying counterculture idealsm - and the opposition that it meets - against a soundtrack of driving rock music.

New York Minute 39 - Sukkos Holiday

Sukkos differs from other Jewish holidays in that it seems to include an active public outreach component. Young orthodox men stand on street corners holding the long, green leaf of some exotic plant in their hands. They approach people as they pass by (men only, I believe) and ask them if they're Jewish. I get asked every year, and I don't look Jewish at all.

I kindly decline, and before I finish my well-practiced reply of "No, I'm sorry!" they have already turned away in search of their next invitee.

The thing that strikes me is that the guys are always young, unmarried (no beard), and extremely awkward-looking. The kid who approached me this year (he was probably about eighteen) had glasses, braces, and a face full of pimples. I'm guessing that this greet-on-the-street custom must be a right of passage of some sort. If the kid makes enough connection, his position in their social hierarchy is elevate and, who knows, maybe he gets to hang out with the cool kids.

I do feel badly for these poor fellows. My heart has a tender spot for socially awkward people, for those unaccepted outsiders who experience volumes of pain and rejection during adolescence. But the fact is that I'm not Jewish, and quite frankly, that leaf thing seems just a little too weird for comfort.

Help me out here, guys. Meet me halfway. Next year, maybe bring along some Girl Scout cookies. I'll buy a box.

Someone You Used To Know

Have you ever done an Internet search on someone that you used to know just to see what they look like now? And then your mind thought: "Whoa! Dodged a bullet that time! Yow!"

Friday, October 21, 2016

New York Minute 38 - No Regrets

Walking into the office this morning, I passed a young woman wearing a gray T-shirt imprinted with the phrase: "Je ne regrette rien", French for "I regret nothing."

What an unexpected treasure! That one small thought lifted my spirits mightily after a tough week. Yes, everything really is going to be okay. :-)

Thursday, October 20, 2016

What Day Is This?

Oh, good grief, Charlie Brown! I just tried to schedule a meeting and wondered why the calendar was showing Thursday. I went through the entire day thinking that this was Wednesday!

I took Monday off, and now I'm all mixed up! TOO MUCH STRESS!! GOING NUTS! Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Women

Women are
So beautiful
So capable
So insightful
So wise
So passionate
So appreciative
So caring
So kind
So creative
So expressive
So supportive
So devoted
So courageous
So resilient
So alluring
So deliriously fun!
Women are
So special
So amazing in every way
Every single one of them!

Criminalization of Abortion

MAKE ABORTION ILLEGAL

BECAUSE IT WORKED SO WELL

FOR DRUGS

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Blogger Discontinued for iOS 10

Without warning, the great minds at Google have discontinued Blogger for iOS. Blogger is the app that I and many others use to manage our blogs on the go.

Really, guys? You want to make it harder for people to post onto your blogging platform from iPhones and iPads? How does that make any sense?

They claim that you can use a browser, which is what I do from my computer. But that has never worked well from my mobile devices. I have had entire posts disappear when I went in to correct a single typo.

Come on, Google! With all of your resources, you should at least be able to support this relatively simple and widely used app. Not acceptable!

A Perspective on Groping and Sexual Assault

Sexual assault and sexual harassment are rampant in our society. It helps when we discuss these matters openly. It helps the victims to deal with their emotional trauma. It helps society by clarifying acceptable standards for physical contact.

Unfortunately, there are barriers to open discussion. First of all, no one enjoys remembering a painful experience. Victims require sensitivity and understanding. They need to feel supported. But this isn't always the case.

The person reporting inappropriate sexual contact may be pressed to answer insensitive questions.

- Are you sure that this really happened?

- Why did you put yourself in that position?

- Why didn't you do anything about it?

- Did you do anything to encourage their advances?

- Why did you wait so long to say something?

I wanted to offer my perspective on this because, believe it or not, I once experienced a groping incident. Yes, I am a guy. Yes, I'm six-foot one in bare feet. And yet, this really did happen.

I was on a plane, an overnight "red eye" flight from San Francisco to Newark. I had a window seat on the right side of the aircraft. This is my preference for long flights; I like to lean against the side of the cabin for extra support while sleeping.

To my left, in the middle seat of a three-seat side, was a clean cut, twenty-something guy looked like he'd graduated from a fancy college. He didn't seem strange in any way. No alarm bells went off as he quietly took his seat. We didn't chat or make eye contact.

It started out as your typical red-eye flight. Soon after we departed, the cabin lights were dimmed, and everyone settled in for a couple of hours of rest. I fell asleep fairly quickly. It was a deep sleep. I didn't hear the engines or the shuddering of the plane.

Some time later, I'm not sure how long, I felt a tickling sensation near my left nipple. It took my sleeping brain a few seconds to figure out that something was wrong. When I realized what was happening, I lurched my body upward and threw my arms toward the ceiling. It was the kind of reaction that you might have if you noticed a big spider crawling up your arm.

The guy, who had curled up into a fetal position directly facing me, had been massaging my left pectoral area with his hand. He didn't just touch my chest; he was actively squeezing it.

When I had my violent physical reaction - during which I shouted something like "what the fuck?" - the guy instantly turned his body to face away from me and faced the person in the aisle seat.

To this day, I do not know whether the guy was actually sleeping and did all of this as part of some perverted dream, or whether he pretended to be asleep to hide his guilt. Believe me. I've thought about this many times since.

Okay, so, this was weird, granted, but it wasn't serious as an assault on a woman. Let's be clear on that. Consider that:

- I was never in danger. There was no possibility of escalation.

- I could have punched the crap out of that little twerp, if I didn't have concerns about serving time for felony assault.

- And for that matter, I don't even have boobs - just skin and muscle.

This would have been far worse and much more terrifying if it had happened to a woman. Let's keep that in perspective.

But let's face it. This incident shocking, and that's why I would like to talk about. I would like to describe the moment when you are trying to decide what to do next while figuring out what just happened to you. Because that is a strange and confusing place to find yourself.

First, you're shocked. It's like being in a car accident. Your mind races to try to make sense of the situation. "What just happened? Is this real? How did this happen?"

Inappropriate contact invites additional questions. "Why would anyone do this?" "Are people really that weird?" "Why me?"

Next, you're faced with confusion. Your mind searches for the appropriate response. What should you do? I considered several options.

I thought about confronting the guy. But what if he really had been sleeping and he wasn't aware of what he had done? If he had just been feigning sleep, how could I prove it?

I new that I couldn't change to a different seat, because it was a full flight.

I considered calling the flight attendant, but I didn't want to create a scene in an aircraft full of sleeping people. Besides, I had no evidence that anything had happened. There was no video. You can't get fingerprints from shirt. For all of these reasons, a complaint with the airline would also have been pointless. The pervert next door had just gotten away with the perfect crime.

And of course, being a guy, I briefly considered a physical altercation. But that could have resulted in serious legal consequences, and it would have only made an icky situation worse. I didn't want to be associate with this sleaze bag during a length legal process.

And so, other than the initial, violent reaction that I used to interrupt the groper, I didn't do anything. I weighed my options and chose that doing nothing was the best way to handle the situation. I pulled up my blanket, tucked it in tightly like a force field, turned my back to Mr. Sleazy, and tried to get some much needed sleep. There were no further incidents.

Did you get that last point? I did nothing, because doing nothing was my best alternative. Unfortunately, for victims of real sexual assault - not my watered-down sleeping perverted frat boy version - doing nothing might seem like the best course of action for them, as well. "Don't make waves." "No one would believe me." "I'll just deal with it."

I would ask everyone please to have empathy for victims of sexual assault. It's easy to question someone who has been through a difficult situation when you haven't walked in their shoes. There are no easy choices in these circumstances. If you're going to accuse something of a serious crime but you have no evidence that a crime was committed, who is going to believe you? So you decide that it's easier to say nothing.

Abusers are often serial offenders. If, one day, you hear of a pattern of attacks that were similar to your own, you might decide to share your story. Just be prepared for the inevitable question: "Why didn't you come forward sooner?" Because you know it's coming.

From Those Who Have Succeeded

Always learn as much as you can
From those who have succeeded.
Take notes on mistakes and pitfalls
When you speak with those who've failed.

But please beware of freed advice
From those who've barely tried.
For despite steadfast assurances
And intensity of pride,
Most of what they'll tell you
Will be a waste of time.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Sexual Assault is NOT Locker Room Talk

I have been in locker rooms. No one ever talked like that.

I played in bands for seven years, mostly just a bunch of guys hanging out together, practicing together, driving together, playing together, hanging out some more. No one else was around most of the time. No one talked like that.

I have met a few men in my life who habitually spoke of women in degrading and objectifying terms. These men (if I can even use that term) were extremely insecure and generally obnoxious toward everyone. They had issues, deep, complex, unresolved issues.

So, please, when an insecure, unbalanced, obnoxious male blames his misogynistic comments and behavior on locker room culture, look him in the eye, realize that he is completely full of crap, and keep him as far as possible from the women in your life, or else they may become victims, too.

Don't Blame Bill Clinton for Trump

New rule: You cannot mention the name "Clinton" while defending Donald Trump's behavior unless you have video of Hillary groping someone against their will.

A Change Might Not Do You Good

Today, I overheard a couple of people discussing the election. One guy said that he was voting for Trump because he wanted a change.

"A change?" I thought to myself. That sounds rather vague. A change isn't necessarily good. If your mom divorces your dad because she thinks he lacks enthusiasm, but then she marries a drunk, that's a change, but it isn't necessarily a change for the better.

i understand Trump's appeal. He's bold. He conveys an air of strength and certainty. He promises a better future even though he doesn't give many specifics - and when he does, they are usually things that a president has no power to do anyway. Maybe that's the change that people are looking for. But that doesn't dilute The guy's emotional instability and lack of policy knowledge.

Be careful what you wish for. A change isn't always a good thing.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Trump's Shallow Apology

Wow! I just watched Trump's so-called apology! What a steaming pile of horse crap!

The man doesn't seem sorry for his actions (just sorry that his reprehensible behavior was exposed). He quickly claims that "this is just a distraction" and proceeds to rip into the Clintons.

Earth to the Trump campaign: that's not an apology. It's a shallow, pathetic diversion. Your candidate is a national disgrace.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

New York Minute 37 - Subway Dick

The subway is crowded, but you've managed to snag that premium standing spot right by the door. The bars for gripping with your hands are within easy reach, and if you don't want to hold on, you can lean against the door (not recommended for safety reasons) or against the door frame (better).

The train pulls into a station and the door opens. You politely step out onto the platform to let departing passengers exit the car with a minimum of congestion.

And what happens next? Some self-serving dick who definitely saw you standing in that spot moves over and takes the spot for themselves!

Not only is this flagrantly rude - because now you have lost your premium spot - but it negates your entire gesture of politeness. The boarding and detraining passengers have to push past this selfish jag-off, because he's blocking the damned door.

To get back in the car, you have to wedge past him. You give him a look like, "what the flip, dude?" But of course he refuses to make eye contact.

People just aren't raised right anymore.

Hurricane Matthew

I fear that the East Coast of the United States is about to experience a big, wet, and costly bite of Global Warming.

South Of Someplace