South Of Someplace

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

How To Make The World A Better Place

1. Round up the people who argue in the Comments section of popular websites.

2. Send them to Mars.

Don’t worry. They’ll figure out how to survive. They’re know-it-all’s.

Rainy May

The next person who says, “We need the rain,” gets whacked. Capisce?

Saturday, May 11, 2019

New York Minute 145 - Extraordinary Challenges

She looks to be in her seventies. She walks slowly with the help of a cane. She walks with her son, a large man of about fifty who is stricken with a severe developmental disability. She does her best to keep him calm, but he is agitated. His voice shrieks loudly when he tries to talk, and his arms flail in spastic chaos.

She speaks to him in a soft voice as they walk slowly down the sidewalk. She has to take him with her to the store. It’s not safe to leave him at home by himself. He needs her care. He needs her everlasting love.

This mother’s day weekend, please remember those families who struggle with extraordinary challenges. Be aware that any person you meet could be struggling with burdens that you cannot imagine.

And while we’re at it, let’s honor the constant, selfless sacrifice of all mothers, strong, loving women who rise to every challenge and overcome every burden day after day, year after year, as they care for their children. No one is as dedicated. No one is as devoted. No one is as determined, and no one else can do what they do.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

New York Minute 144 - Sub Sanitary

The subway was crowded when I left work last evening. A young guy who looked like a total slob - not like a bum, more like a twenty-something loser who plays video games in his mother’s basement all night long - boarded through the door where I was standing. As he walked into the car, the slobby guy wiped his nose with the palm of his hand. He then grabbed onto one of the poles in the middle of the car with that same hand. It looked as though he was role playing in a comedy skit or acting in a public service message about the importance of not spreading diseases in public. But his behavior was only going to get worse.

As he stood there holding onto the pole with his snotty palm, he continued to wipe and pick his nose with the other hand. And yes, he did put those fingers into his mouth several times.

It was an express train, so it took a few minutes to get to the next station. (In other words, we were all trapped in there with Mr. Mucus.) After a while, the guy shifted positions and grabbed the pole with the other hand, the one that he had just used to pick his nose.

I am not making this up. This actually happened. Think about that when you hold onto the poles and handrails in a subway car.

I had to switch cars at Union Square. I couldn’t take it anymore.

As I dashed over to the next car, a young man wheeled on a bicycle with tires that were big enough to mount on a Cadillac. That bike took up a lot of space on a crowded train, but hey, at least he wasn’t picking his nose and smearing it on the handrails.

New York Minute 143 - Morning Playtime

I passed an outdoor basketball court on the way to work this morning. No one was playing basketball, but handful of elderly people were stretching and walking around the perimeter fencing.

One man was playing with a toddler. The man jogged slowly backwards, waving his hands in the air, while the toddler, possibly his grandchild, chased after him with her arms stretched upward. He maintained a speed where she was always close but could never quite catch up to him. They were smiling and laughing. It was one of the most touching moments that I have witnessed in a long, long time.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

On This Cinco De Mayo

Yes, it’s Cinco de Mayo

And there’s no need to be shy-o

Be the one

Who has the fun

That others want to try-o

Dress up and put on perfume

The one that smells like flowers

Put on a dress

That hints at sex

And we can dance for hours

Do something wholly unholy

With a bowl of guacamole

Add tequila if you’re lonely

Lick the spoon and you can phone me

I’ll pick up eighteen roses

Just before the florist closes

We can smile and take some selfies

As we strike romantic poses

We’ll play silly games

Where I call you sexy names

And try to get you laughing

While you’re driving me insane

We’ll down some more tequila

From that very fancy bottle

I’ll give you tiny besos

De arriba a abajo

Away from all the gente

When you’re feeling caliente

You’ll share your lovely lolas

‘Cause you’re not so inocente

We’ll run a sexy relay

To the camera da letto

I’ll hold you tight

And dim the light

And make the room oscuro

We’ll take off your vestido

And I’ll give you an abrazo

Caress your sexy cuerpo

And rock you till we’re loco

So, humor me, Amigos

Spend some time conmigo

If you think this tale is silly

Outrageous, willy-nilly

Or if you think it’s naughty

Scandalous and bawdy

Just think about the value

Of being truly happy

La vida’s short and tragic

We all need each other’s magic

We all crave sweet adventures

And dreams of love fantastic

So, on this Cinco de Mayo

From mi corazon viejo

I wish you Buena Suerte

‘Cause Forever lasts La Muerte

Saturday, May 4, 2019

One Hot Night

Thirteen well-heeled bachelors

In bright flamingo blazers

Danced one hot night

In Spandex tights

Amazing all on gazers

An opera prima donna

First time on marijuana

Watched their hips

And licked her lips

With Chicken Parmigiana

Lost in deep attention

She yearned for their affection

One or more

She wasn’t sure

But she faced competition

Others ladies watching

Felt attraction for the misters

Four yoga girls

Two dames in pearls

And three pairs of sexy sisters

The room was full of passion

Hot things were sure to happen

As excitement rose

Inside their clothes

The femmes jumped into action

The yoginas started cheering

Emboldened by their age

The sisters not to be outdone

Jumped up and stormed the stage

At first the dames mocked quietly

This youthful indiscretion

But abandoning tact

They too would act

To pursue their male obsession

Soon the twelve were up onstage

Except the cultured singer

Who wrestled with appearances

Of acts she thought beneath her

But she sensed that this moment

Was hers alone to win

So although still feeling wobbly

She got up and jumped right in

It became a raucous circus

This impromptu virile show

As ladies went to bolder lengths

To have their passions known

Some peeled off bits of clothing

Others ground their hips

As the audience kept watching

And leaving record tips

One strong woman determined

The singer took her chance

She went to the most handsome man

And joined him in his dance

Their eyes were locked together

She mirrored his every move

Their connection was electric

And sparks filled all the room

As the steamy show concluded

They circled round the bar

The audience applauded

And cheered how good they are

This crew enjoyed a round of drinks

Caroused and laughed and smiled

The singer and her handsome gent

Stood together all the while

Then one of them suggested

That they run out to the beach

They left their shoes

There in the room

And felt sand with bare feet

They stripped down to their underwear

Some bold ones even less

And ran into the rolling waves

Where they swam and played and caressed

And so it went one magic night

As they frolicked on the sand

Under the moon

In wild Cancun

Thirteen new loves began

Friday, May 3, 2019

You Will Go Far

Courage brings countless good things

Dream big and be who you are

Work hard and treat people fairly

Be bold and you will go far

Thursday, May 2, 2019

You Won’t Know

You won’t know what you should be doing if you won’t try things that you shouldn’t.

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

I’m Serious

I’m serious. I need u. I need us. I would accept an IOU.