A Ride To The Airport

A Trump voter and a Biden voter agree to share a taxi to the airport. As they’re driving down the highway, they notice that a rattlesnake is coiled up on the floor of the cab.

Biden Voter: Driver, pull over! There’s snake in the car!

Trump Voter: Don’t listen to him! Keep going.

The driver glances back at the two of them in the review view mirror, shakes his head, and continues on.

BV: What are you doing?

TV: What do you mean what am I doing? I’m trying to get us to the airport. We’re running late.

BV: Yeah, but there’s a frickin’ rattlesnake in the car!

TV: He hasn’t bothered anybody yet.

BV: Look, why don’t we just pull over, get the snake out of the car, and then we can drive safely to the airport.

TV: How do you proposed that we get it out of the car?

BV: I don’t know. We’ll figure something out.

TV: And in the meantime, I’ll miss my flight. No, thank you! I can’t afford to stop.

BV: What if it bites us?

TV: Then maybe we’ll die, but probably we won’t.

BV: You’re actually willing to take that risk?

TV: How bad can it be? I’ve been bitten by a dog before?

BV: A snakebite is a lot more dangerous than a dog bite!

TV: Do you actually know anybody who’s been killed by a snake?

BV: That’s beside the point. Even if the snakebite doesn’t kill you, it can do a lot of harm.

TV: People get killed by dogs, too.

BV: I understand that, but a snake’s bite is still worse.

TV: Fake news! Doctors just say that because they get more money for treating a snakebite!

BV: Wow! I can’t believe that you would say something so blatantly ridiculous.

TV: And I can’t believe that you want me to miss my plane.

BV: I don’t want you to miss your plane. I want us both to arrive at the airport safely.

TV: Your plan will take too much time. I can’t afford any delays.

The Biden voter looks down and notices that the Trump voter has removed his shoes.

BV: Why are you in bare feet?

TV: Airport security makes you take your shoes off. I’m trying to save time.

BV: Yeah, but you’re not at airport security yet. You’re riding around in a taxi with a rattlesnake. If we hit a pothole, he could get spooked and strike your big toe.

TV: I have a right to go barefoot. You can’t infringe on my rights by telling me to wear shoes.

BV: It’s for your own good. If you get bitten, you’re going to miss your flight anyway. You’ll have to go to the hospital. This whole macho attitude isn’t working in your favor.

TV: Typical Socialist! You want to take everyone’s freedom away in the name of it being good for us. Well, I don’t want to live in a “mommie” state.

BV: I am not a socialist, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about my neighbor’s wellbeing.

TV: Well, if Biden wins, I’m sure that he’ll force everyone to wear shoes. That’s why I’m voting for Trump. I believe in freedom.

BV: Fine. But if the snake bites me, you’re going to pay my hospital bill.

TV: Typical. You just want someone else to pay your way because you couldn’t take care of yourself.

BV: It’s not because I can’t take care of myself. I proposed a solution to this problem. You’re the one who chose to ignore it and prolong a dangerous situation needlessly.

TV: Well, I can’t afford to put my life on hold. We need to keep going.