South Of Someplace: May 2019

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Something Exciting

If you’re waiting for something exciting to happen, maybe that thing is waiting for you to help get it started.

Knowledge Is Always Valuable

Knowledge is always valuable. Learning is always worthwhile.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Another Day In The Life Of A Software Developer

Manager: Did you get the email?

Developer: Which email?

Manager: From the Business Analyst.

Developer: Oh, I just received it. Did they find a bug?

Manager: No. It’s a new requirement.

Developer: For next week?

Manager: No. They need it today.

Developer: I thought UAT was locked.

Manager: It is, but they said it’s important, and I told them that we could do it.

Developer. Okay...

Manager: It’s a simple change. You should be able to do it in fifteen minutes.

Developer: I have to analyze the requirement, determine which programs need to change, check out the code, make the modifications, run through the test plan, check in the changes, build a deployment package, and get it approved for release. I can’t do that in fifteen minutes.

Manager: Well, it has to be ready by 2 o’clock.

Developer: Alright, I’ll work through lunch. If I have any questions, I’ll check with the Business Analyst.

Manager: You’d better catch him soon.

Developer: Why?

Manager: He’s going on the corporate golf outing.

Crickets: Cheep-cheep! Cheep-cheep!

Developer: I’ll figure it out.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Fair Summer

Welcome

Fair Summer

Embrace her joyously

Savor her passionately

Dance with her tirelessly

Adore her

Cherish her

Love her

Knowing

That time is short

And she won’t be able

To stay with you

Much longer

Monday, May 27, 2019

Time For A Checkup

Think about what you want to do

Where you want to be

How you want to feel

And what it will take to get there

Think about all that you’ve achieved

Who you are today

How that makes you feel

And what it took to get here

Sunday, May 26, 2019

The Best We Can Do

Treasure fond memories

Learn from mistakes

Forgive yourself and all others

For what can’t be changed

This is all we can do

With the past

This is the best we can do

Saturday, May 25, 2019

New York Minute 146 - Apple Pooch

I stopped by one of the Apple Stores in Manhattan a few days ago. A well-dressed gentleman who looked to be about seventy walked into the store with a large black dog on a leash. The man had no apparent disability; the dog was a pet.

The gentleman chatted at length with one of the employees near a display table showcasing a number of colorful Apple Watches. The dog sat patiently on the floor for a while, but eventually, he lept up and put his paws on the display table. After trying to get the owner’s attention for several seconds, the dog went back down to the floor, only to leap up again shortly thereafter.

This happened several times in a row until the employee asked the man to control the dog and keep him from leaping up, suggesting that the dog’s claws could scratch the table or damage the products on display. The customer ran his fingers over the table top and said indignantly, “He’s not scratching anything!”

The world’s gone to the dogs.

Friday, May 24, 2019

The Sun Will Come Again

No matter how much it rains

The sun will come out again

Thursday, May 23, 2019

My Father Taught Me

My father taught me

How to tie my first tie

Comb my hair neatly

With a part on the side

How to button shirts properly

And dress like a man

Even fasten cuff links

Quite a trick with one hand

He taught me good manners

From a very young age

Always hold doors for women

And make them feel safe

Be polite and thoughtful

And help when you can

And show earnest respect

To every woman and man

To value knowledge

And pursue it aggressively

To appreciate reason

And apply it effectively

To share what you know

And listen when you don’t

To debate in good faith

And avoid those who won’t

To read lots of books

And treasure what’s wise

To carry a pen

To keep thoughts organized

To maintain high standards

And fully realize

That hard work can lead

To the dreams that you prize

To value the arts

For the wonders that they are

Music

Architecture

Painting and Sculpture

Theater

Dance

Poetry and Literature

To appreciate language

And the power of words

To communicate clearly

When you need to be heard

That to learn a new language

Means relearning your own

And opens up paths

To what more can be known

To host your guests generously

Laugh with them heartily

Speak your mind eloquently

Listen attentively

To express appreciation enthusiastically

And disappointment supportively

To live life sympathetically

And love others forgivingly

To understand concepts

That explain how things work

To delve into the secrets

Of our fascinating world

Mathematics and Physics

Chemistry and Statistics

Acoustics and Electronics

Sociology and Economics

To understand history

And the lessons it serves

To appreciate Liberty

With the respect it deserves

To follow keen thinkers

Who keep us informed

To be mindful of tyranny

In all of its forms

To value accomplishment

And strive for the best

To write down details

I can’t keep in my head

To toil through the night

‘til the job is done right

To never cut corners

On the work that’s required

To laugh in the best times

And laugh in the worst

To laugh at the senseless

And laugh ‘til it hurts

Then smile and appreciate

The blessings of life

To hug all your children

And honor your wife

To keep your commitments

When the challenge is hard

To stand for your values

With all that you are

To be a good parent

Who always provides

To speak the truth freely

And do what is right

These are some

Of the many great things

That my father taught me

Over the years

As he set an example

That meant so much to me

Of how to live

And to act

To think

And to love

And to be

Next Day In The Life Of A Software Developer

Developer: As discussed, I’ve modified it to be purple and orange. Can you please check it?

Business Analyst: They want to go back to red, white, and blue.

Developer: Okay. I can roll back the change.

Business Analyst: But they want parts of it to be purple and orange.

Developer: Which parts?

Business Analyst: I’ll have to get back to you.

Developer: Please let me know as soon as you can.

Crickets: Cheep-cheep! Cheep-cheep!

Manager: Did you switch it back to red, white, and blue?

Developer: I can roll back the change, but they said that they want some parts to be purple and orange.

Manager: How long will that take?

Developer: They haven’t told me which parts yet.

Manager: It has to go into UAT tomorrow.

Developer: They haven’t told me what they want yet.

Manager: I’ll talk to them, but it still has to go to UAT.

Developer: I’ll handle it.

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

A Day In The Life Of A Software Developer

Specification: Make it red, white, and blue.

Developer: Red, white, and blue, is that what you want?

Business Analyst: Yes

Developer makes it red, white, and blue.

Business Analyst: It’s wrong. It was supposed to be purple and orange.

Manager: How did you get this wrong? Why didn’t you make it purple and orange?

Developer: The specification says, “Red, white, and blue.”

Crickets: Cheep-cheep! Cheep-cheep!

Manager: How soon can you make it purple and orange?

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Blooper Reel

Some of the most entertaining moments in a movie can be found in the blooper reel, a collection of goofs and humorous outtakes that occur along the way. Life is like that.

The Cyclical Path

The path to mastering a skill or subject doesn’t follow a straight line. We don’t learn something once and then take it for granted. We make better progress by following a cyclical course, like racing around the track at an auto speedway. With each lap, we learn more about the course, more about the tools that we have at our disposal. We come to understand the weaknesses in our understanding of the subject, and we have the opportunity to formulate an approach to resolving those weaknesses and testing them out in real time.

Each lap gives us an opportunity to learn and improve, and to refine our understanding of things that we already thought that we knew. In order to gain that deeper understanding, we need to go back to the beginning, just as the race cars return to the starting line and effectively start again.

My physics professor, the late John Schaefer, explained the importance of this iterative approach to learning.

“In the first year, the students study all of physics, which can be rather overwhelming. In the following years, they’ll take advanced courses that drill down into a number of subject areas. They’ll work on a senior project that enhances their understanding further.

“In graduate school, they’ll go through the material again. While working on their dissertation, they’ll have the chance to spend time working as a teaching assistant, where they’ll gain insights explaining the basic concepts to undergraduates. After having been through all of that, and after having taught the subject for twenty-odd years, I think I’m finally getting a pretty good handle on it.”

Realize that developing a deep understanding of a subject takes time. You can’t learn it all in one shot; you have to go over the material repeatedly, understanding more with each pass.

Never hesitate to go back to the beginning, to re-evaluate your comprehension of the fundamentals. There is never a danger of understanding something too well. Look at familiar material with a fresh perspective. Discover new ways to combine ideas and solve problems. The effort that you put into this can only help you.

Formula For Fulfillment

If you lift yourself up by knocking others down, you need to find a better formula for fulfillment.

Monday, May 20, 2019

Never Tell Lies

Never tell lies. People enjoy them too much. Tell the truth. It makes them uncomfortable.

Start Slow

Run too fast in the first two miles, and the rest of the miles will be slow.

Run too fast in the very first mile, and the rest of the course will be miserable.

Friday, May 17, 2019

Random Thoughts - 20190517

Saying to a foreigner, “This is America, speak English!” is like saying to passenger, “This is an airplane, land it!”

Given that money is “legal tender for all debts, public and private,” are businesses that refuse to accept cash breaking the law?

If a fruit or vegetable is pollinated by a bee, is it vegan (i.e. a non-animal product)?

You won’t find a solution by complaining.

Trust is the foundation of discretion. Secrecy is its currency.

A stupid idea becomes dangerous when people refuse to question it.

We’re all in this together. We need to take care of each other.

Nothing

You can always do something

But often

The best choice

Is nothing

Rise

My tired body

And slumbering head

Would love to remain in bed

But I open my eyes

And rise

It’s time to chase the prize

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Stand On Your Own Two Feet

I used to stress to my dance students the importance of maintaining their own balance even when they danced in an intimate embrace with a partner. A dancer with good balance inspires confidence; we want to try exciting movements with them. A partner with poor balance seems fragile and unstable and makes us dance conservatively so as not to have them land on their bum.

I used to tell my students: “All of you walked into this room on your own two legs. I didn’t see anyone clinging to the wall or holding onto another person to get here. If you can walk on your own two legs, you can dance on your own two legs.”

The same is true for life away from the dance floor. In order to be a happy, well-adjusted, productive person, we need to stand on our own two feet. No one wants to be in a relationship with a clingy partner. No one wants to work with a colleague who can’t take care of business without assistance.

It’s wonderful to enjoy the blessings of a supportive family, durable friendships, loving relationships, and a rewarding career, but we will make the most of those situations when we participate as a strong, self-reliant contributor. Stand on your own two feet, and others will be proud to stand with you.

Unexpected Kindness

Treat someone with unexpected kindness, and you’ll create a memory that lasts for years. Treat someone with unexpected harshness, and you’ll create a memory that lasts forever.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

How To Make The World A Better Place

1. Round up the people who argue in the Comments section of popular websites.

2. Send them to Mars.

Don’t worry. They’ll figure out how to survive. They’re know-it-all’s.

Rainy May

The next person who says, “We need the rain,” gets whacked. Capisce?

Saturday, May 11, 2019

New York Minute 145 - Extraordinary Challenges

She looks to be in her seventies. She walks slowly with the help of a cane. She walks with her son, a large man of about fifty who is stricken with a severe developmental disability. She does her best to keep him calm, but he is agitated. His voice shrieks loudly when he tries to talk, and his arms flail in spastic chaos.

She speaks to him in a soft voice as they walk slowly down the sidewalk. She has to take him with her to the store. It’s not safe to leave him at home by himself. He needs her care. He needs her everlasting love.

This mother’s day weekend, please remember those families who struggle with extraordinary challenges. Be aware that any person you meet could be struggling with burdens that you cannot imagine.

And while we’re at it, let’s honor the constant, selfless sacrifice of all mothers, strong, loving women who rise to every challenge and overcome every burden day after day, year after year, as they care for their children. No one is as dedicated. No one is as devoted. No one is as determined, and no one else can do what they do.

Thursday, May 9, 2019

New York Minute 144 - Sub Sanitary

The subway was crowded when I left work last evening. A young guy who looked like a total slob - not like a bum, more like a twenty-something loser who plays video games in his mother’s basement all night long - boarded through the door where I was standing. As he walked into the car, the slobby guy wiped his nose with the palm of his hand. He then grabbed onto one of the poles in the middle of the car with that same hand. It looked as though he was role playing in a comedy skit or acting in a public service message about the importance of not spreading diseases in public. But his behavior was only going to get worse.

As he stood there holding onto the pole with his snotty palm, he continued to wipe and pick his nose with the other hand. And yes, he did put those fingers into his mouth several times.

It was an express train, so it took a few minutes to get to the next station. (In other words, we were all trapped in there with Mr. Mucus.) After a while, the guy shifted positions and grabbed the pole with the other hand, the one that he had just used to pick his nose.

I am not making this up. This actually happened. Think about that when you hold onto the poles and handrails in a subway car.

I had to switch cars at Union Square. I couldn’t take it anymore.

As I dashed over to the next car, a young man wheeled on a bicycle with tires that were big enough to mount on a Cadillac. That bike took up a lot of space on a crowded train, but hey, at least he wasn’t picking his nose and smearing it on the handrails.

New York Minute 143 - Morning Playtime

I passed an outdoor basketball court on the way to work this morning. No one was playing basketball, but handful of elderly people were stretching and walking around the perimeter fencing.

One man was playing with a toddler. The man jogged slowly backwards, waving his hands in the air, while the toddler, possibly his grandchild, chased after him with her arms stretched upward. He maintained a speed where she was always close but could never quite catch up to him. They were smiling and laughing. It was one of the most touching moments that I have witnessed in a long, long time.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

On This Cinco De Mayo

Yes, it’s Cinco de Mayo

And there’s no need to be shy-o

Be the one

Who has the fun

That others want to try-o

Dress up and put on perfume

The one that smells like flowers

Put on a dress

That hints at sex

And we can dance for hours

Do something wholly unholy

With a bowl of guacamole

Add tequila if you’re lonely

Lick the spoon and you can phone me

I’ll pick up eighteen roses

Just before the florist closes

We can smile and take some selfies

As we strike romantic poses

We’ll play silly games

Where I call you sexy names

And try to get you laughing

While you’re driving me insane

We’ll down some more tequila

From that very fancy bottle

I’ll give you tiny besos

De arriba a abajo

Away from all the gente

When you’re feeling caliente

You’ll share your lovely lolas

‘Cause you’re not so inocente

We’ll run a sexy relay

To the camera da letto

I’ll hold you tight

And dim the light

And make the room oscuro

We’ll take off your vestido

And I’ll give you an abrazo

Caress your sexy cuerpo

And rock you till we’re loco

So, humor me, Amigos

Spend some time conmigo

If you think this tale is silly

Outrageous, willy-nilly

Or if you think it’s naughty

Scandalous and bawdy

Just think about the value

Of being truly happy

La vida’s short and tragic

We all need each other’s magic

We all crave sweet adventures

And dreams of love fantastic

So, on this Cinco de Mayo

From mi corazon viejo

I wish you Buena Suerte

‘Cause Forever lasts La Muerte