The weather changes in relationships, as well. On pleasant days, we feel joyful when we spend time with our partner. We feel close to them. We idolize them.
On unpleasant days, we feel contempt for our partners. We criticize them, sometimes unfairly. Their very presence annoys us, and we retreat into isolation, physically or emotionally.
The difference is that we can’t change the weather. We have to accept rain, snow, wind, and lightning. We can’t go outside and say, “Hey! What’s bothering you? I don’t think you really want to be storming right now. Can we please talk about this?”
The weather won’t listen, but our partners will.
Be aware of the “weather” in your personal life. Watch the barometer of contempt closely. If the number of unpleasant days seems abnormally high, don’t just wait for the storm to pass. Storms of contempt do lasting damage, just like a real hurricane. You don’t have to wait for the storm to pass to patch the roof. You can interrupt it in progress.
Talk with your partner when they seem withdrawn. If something is bothering them, it’s better to address it sooner rather than later. Approach them gently and open a dialog. Use kindness, a soft voice, gifts, self-deprecating humor, or anything that you can think of to get through to them. Don’t let the storm rage on. There may not be a house left when it’s over.
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