War has broken out in the Middle East, and the United States has -
- no Speaker of the House
- no Ambassador to Israel
- over 300 vacancies in top officer positions in the armed forces
because nihilistic members of congress have paralyzed the government with procedural stunts.
Fun With Bad Poetry
You look more yummy than lunch
That’s why I love you a bunch
-
I’ve done some stupid things
It’s true
But the stupidest thing I did
Was you
-
I remember the softness
In your voice
When you said,
“Please stay! Let’s do it again.”
I was happy to be there
In your warm arms
Until the door opened
And your husband walked in
War breaks out in the Middle East, and the US House of Representatives has no Speaker, because eight hard-line politicians led by a womanizer from Florida decided to bring the government to its knees.
Voter 1: Who are you supporting in the upcoming election?
Voter 2: I like Candidate A.
Voter 1: Really? Why?
Voter 2: A promises to ban critical race theory and criminalize drag queen story hour.
Voter 1: Do you realize that Candidate A has a history of disparaging minorities, fomenting political violence, and working to undermine democracy?
Voter 2: Which part of drag queen story hour do you not understand?
I stopped by a coffee shop during a stroll through a coastal town in the Pacific Northwest. The morning rain had stopped, and the sun was coming out between the clouds.
I thought it best to put my camera away; it would have looked conspicuous dangling from my neck while I waited in line to order a latte.
I set my backpack on a bench, unzipped it, and placed the camera inside. A well-dressed gentleman passed by and noticed what I was doing.
“Wow! That’s a lot of equipment!” the man remarked with a smile.
“Carrying it around helps keep me young,” I joked.
The man, who was probably in his mid seventies, added, “Well, let me tell you this. Anything you do that helps keep you young is worth doing.”
“Thank you,” I said as I pondered the wisdom of this off-the-cuff comment. I repeated the man’s words and added, “I’m going to remember that for a long time.”
Vivek Ramaswamy claimed that people are being harmed by green energy innovation. The claim is ridiculous on its face - have you been attacked by a solar panel recently? - but let’s examine why he made it. Before running for president, VR started Strive Asset Management, which in turn invests in companies that drill for oil. The more oil that’s drilled, the more money he makes. His position on green energy is entirely self serving, another “rich guy” hoping to use public policy to fill his own pockets.
Jared Kushner’s Résumé
- The son of a convicted felon (prosecuted by Chris Christie)
- The son-in-law of the first ex-president indicted on felony charges
- Turn down for a security clearance (until Trump intervened and told the government to give it to him anyway)
- Worked in the White House for four years ( January 2017 to December 2020 )
- Given responsibility for ALL Middle Eastern policy (despite no diplomatic experience)
- Given responsibility for the Covid response (1 million American citizens died)
- When the Trump Administration ended in defeat, Kushner started a hedge fund with $2 BILLION from the government of Saudi Arabia.
- High-level Saudi ministers objected given Kushner’s lack of experience, but the crown prince overrode them. (The same crown prince reportedly ordered the murder of Saudi/American journalist Jamal Khashoggi.)
- Kushner receives a $25 million annual salary to run the hedge fund (regardless of how well it performs)
- Response by Congress to all of the above: Investigate Hunter Biden.
Q: Why did the stern mortician refuse to cremate bodies promptly?
A: They have to urn it.
Q: How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb and another to argue that a different brand of bulb would have been better.
Q: Why did the photographer fire her publicist?
A: She wasn’t getting the right exposure.
Q: A man took his wife’s fancy camera on a whale watching tour. He accidentally dropped the camera in the ocean. What did his wife say when he returned home?
A: I shutter to think about it.
New York Minute 188 - Banana Fiend
I buy organic bananas from a food market in my neighborhood that sells them at a good price. Each bunch is pre-weighed and wrapped in plastic tape that’s marked with an item number and a bar code.
Frequently, the tape looks as though it has been tampered with. I suspected that someone was sneaking bananas out of the bunches and resealing the tape, but I couldn’t imagine why. If they went to the register with a loose banana, they would still have to pay for it.
One day, I spotted a middle-aged lady standing at the banana display. She was resealing the tape on a bunch of bananas. I didn’t want to approach while she was there, so I picked up another item returned to the bananas a moment later. Many of the bunches had been untaped. Some were resealed sloppily; other bunches remained open.
The lady, now standing about six feet away, was eating a banana. The way she ate it was unusual. Instead of pulling the peel back part way, she had removed the entire peel in advance. The banana was bare from end to end. A second bare banana lay on a paper towel in her shopping cart on top of some other terms. There was a sealed bunch in the cart, as well.
When she finished eating the first banana, she returned to the display and placed the sealed bunch onto a hook. She walked away and looked back at me. I glanced at her and then turned back to the display. I shook my head in disgust at the vast collection of molested bunches.
The lady walked toward me. “I didn’t separate them,” she insisted.
“I didn’t say anything,” I said without looking at her. I didn’t want an argument to ensue.
“I didn’t separate them,” she insisted again. “I just changed my mind.”
“I didn’t say anything,” I repeated dispassionately.
I glanced at her shopping cart. A peeled banana sat conspicuously atop her other items. I found an undisturbed bunch and walked away.
