Loss Of A Friend

I lost a good friend recently. I hadn’t seen her in a long time, but we spoke by phone several times a year.

She liked to schedule our calls like appointments. I would send and email to see how she was doing, and after chatting back and forth, she would write, “We should talk! How does Sunday the Tenth at three o’clock work for you?” I always smiled when she did that. It was a charming part of her personality.

The day would arrive, and she would call me right on the dot of the time that we had agreed upon. She was never late.

Our conversations were epic. We would talk for an hour and forty-five minutes at minimum, breezing through subject after subject. One topic would flow into another and another. We never ran out of things to discuss and often had to table things to discuss in a future call.

I called her my intellectual role model. She laughed every time I said that and scoffed at the idea entirely, but I meant it sincerely. Carol was an extremely bright and articulate person, an avid reader to say that least, but it was more than just her knowledge that made our conversations so interesting. She expressed ideas in a uniquely inspiring way, and not just with me. I’m sure that everyone who knew her witnessed this remarkable quality.

I was fortunate to know Carol for most of my life. She was also my mother’s friend; she and my mom could talk for hours on end and often did.

Carol moved away while I was still quite young, but she made a point to visit my mom every year. She always brought books to encourage me and my sisters to read. I remember her suitcase being insanely heavy; how she lugged those books around, I’ll never understand. The books were wonderfully thoughtful gifts. They were always terrifically entertaining, and we couldn’t wait to read them.

When Carol visited, she and my mom would sit at the kitchen table and talk well into the evening. The delightful thing was that they were happy to have us join the conversation if we wanted to. They never watered down the focus to “what do you like about school this year?” as most adults do when children enter the room. Their conversations would just roll along, and we were welcome to join in. 

They would talk about education, psychology, about books that they had read. They would talk about current events, economics, and public policy. I was a teenager at this point. Listening to adults discuss important topics in depth AND having them listen to my own opinions on these subjects, that was quite a thrill.

One summer while was in college, I visited Carol and her daughter for a week. They lived in a big, bustling city. Wandering around and taking in the sights was an eye-opening experience for a boy from a small town. I remember eating a lot of really delicious Chinese food that week and going to a club to see Reggae. Carol treated me to a concert and a play while I was in town, and of course we enjoyed a number of our epic conversations.

When I moved to the East Coast to start my career, Carol continued to keep in touch. Her business brought her to New York City occasionally, and we would meet for lunch whenever possible. I had a business trip to her city about twenty years ago; I think that may have been the last time that I saw her.

It’s tough to loose a good friend, particularly someone who inspires you. Carol really was my intellectual role model. I would not be the person that I am today if I hadn’t had a chance to enjoy her company over the years. But I am comforted by the fact that we kept in touch and kept having those inspiring conversations through the years. Nothing lasts forever, but if you enjoy your time with someone regularly and proactively, you won’t have many regrets.

Carol was a wonderful friend and an inspiring and encouraging presence in my life for many, many years. I am honored that I was able to keep in touch with her and that we continued to enjoy our epic conversations into the final year of her life.