The Ten Commandments (Edited for Trump Supporters)
Standard Version (SV): Thou shalt not have any gods before God.
Trump Version (TV): Thou shalt not have any gods before God except the special, highly-qualified person whom God has chosen to save our country and be the best president in ... probably EVER.
SV: Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything.
TV: Thou shalt put your name in big letters on tall buildings so everyone understands how important you are.
SV: Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord your God in vain.
TV: Thou shalt curse as much as you feel that you need to while berating the people who work for you, or while criticizing Jeff Sessions for recusing himself.
SV: Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.
TV: Thou shalt watch Fox News six days a week. On the seventh day, you’ll be tempted to look at other news sources to gain a balanced perspective. Don’t. They’re all godless liars.
SV: Honor thy father and mother.
TV: Honor thy daughter by bragging publicly about how “hot” she is as often as you can.
SV: Thou shalt not murder.
TV: Thou shalt not let any law pass that might help keep powerful weapons out of the hands of murderers.
SV: Thou shalt not commit adultery.
TV: Unless it’s with porn stars, Playboy models, or if you’re just trying out a new wife while you’re still married to the current one. Thou shalt “grab pussy” whenever it’s convenient.
SV: Thou shalt not steal.
TV: Thou shalt not limit the profits of healthcare providers by forcing them to treat poor people.
SV: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
TV: Thou shalt make up nasty stories about and give unflattering names to anyone that gets in your way. Thou shalt believe, tell, and repeat any lie that furthers your agenda.
SV: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.
TV: But if you really want to, an effective way is to have her listen in on a conference call while you trick a friend into talking about fooling around with other women. (Yes, Trump has actually done this, and he has boasted about doing so.)
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