I had a vision one evening while sitting alone in my room - I was about eighteen at the time. I saw myself as an old man looking back over a wasted life. I had squandered one opportunity after another and was left bitter and unfulfilled. I was devastated. I felt so disappointed with myself and with my choices.
The experience was brief, and it existed completely in my imagination. Nevertheless, it frightened me and moved me in a very powerful way. I didn't want to become that person, that tragic shadow of a man. I didn't want to miss out on all of the wonderful rewards that a lifetime has to offer.
Since that day, I have been driven by a clear and powerful inner force. Things haven't always gone smoothly. I've made countless mistakes, and opportunities didn't always materialize as quickly as I thought or in the places where I had expected to find them. But I continued to work relentlessly and undeterred. I pursued my dreams, acted with purpose and consideration and gratitude, built a joyful, memorable, and meaningful life, and to the best of my ability, encouraged others to discover and follow paths that are meaningful to them.
That old, sad version of myself has all but faded from the realm of possibility. Even if my journey ends today, it has been rich beyond anything that I could have imagined as a young man. But the vision still drives me. There's more to do, more to experience, more to accomplish. That tragic old man still lives in my heart, pushing me onward. Every now and then I thank him for scaring the crap out of me before it was too late.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
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