Cynical Soliloquies - Volume 1

- You are unique! You are different than everyone else. That's why no one likes you.

- Bad breath will come back. Bad dreams can recur. But bad neighbors never go away.

- No matter what happens, maintain a positive attitude. The business world relies on a good supply of suckers.

- The Optimist believes that the glass is half full because the Pessimist figured out that he could serve the guy only half a glass, and he still wouldn't complain.

- If you don't work hard, you'll be thrown out. If you DO work hard, you'll get WORN out, and when you can't keep the pace up anymore, you'll be thrown out. Given the choice, save your energy.

- Always remember that you are not your past. You are not your parents, and you are not your mistakes. But your parents will always remember your past mistakes.

- His bark is worse than his bite. Unless he bites you.

- A penny saved is not going to make up for all of the dollars that you've squandered. But hey, it's a start!

- Some days it just doesn't pay to get up in the morning. Actually, it never pays to get up in the morning. No one ever got paid to roll out of bed.

- Mean is synonymous with Average. Think of what that signifies. The average person is mean. And mean people are average. Half of the population is meaner than average. No wonder life can be so unpleasant!

- Is it really an ad hominem attack when you let some inflexible, argumentative person know that they're a complete idiot? Right. I didn't think so.

- Two women walked past on their lunch break. One was informing the other that she had just received a two dollar refund from Lysol. I recognize that everyone has different priorities. But if that's all that I had to discuss on my lunch break, I'd look for ways to add some excitement to my life.

- Life is unusually kind to schmoozers, suck-ups and brown-nosers. There is nothing that you can do to change this. It is one of the unfair and unfortunate realities of human society. Don't waste time resenting these folks or hoping to witness their downfall. Just focus on your work, your family and your interests, and keep what's important in mind.

Copyright © 2013 Daniel R. South

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