South Of Someplace

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Please Vote This Year!

Please vote this year. The greedy people and the angry people always vote, and it's not a good idea to let them run things.

Dear Monica Lewinsky, no one forced you to make the choices that you made, and while you were doing those tawdry things, you were happy. You were having the time or your life. You kept the soiled dress as a trophy. You even bragged about it to your old friend Linda (big mistake-she was recording that phone call for Ken Starr).

I realize that you endured some humiliation along the way for things that again you chose to do all by yourself. But no one beat you to death like Matthew Stafford. So please don't compare yourself to him. Don't even mention his name anymore.

And please don't think that your life is difficult. It's not. You didn't lose your home in the financial crisis. You don't have cancer. Your husband didn't fool around with his intern - oh, wait, that was you. Your job hasn't been outsourced. You didn't lose a limb or acquire PTSD in Iraq.

So please, 1. Stop talking. 2. Get over yourself. And 3. Go away.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Torches and Pitchforks

When society is controlled by the wrath violent mobs and murderous maniacs, it ceases to be a society. It becomes a jungle.

Student Driver

One of my colleagues is studying in preparation for getting a driver's license. She's in her twenties, but I don't believe that she has ever operated a car.

At lunchtime, she asked me to help her with some of the online test questions that she had missed. She didn't understand what a soft shoulder was or why it was better, if one wheel fell onto the shoulder, to ease up on the gas rather than applying the brake. I did my best to explain it to her.

She didn't understand why pedestrians should face oncoming traffic on roads without sidewalks. I explained that as well.

I was surprised when she said that she didn't know the difference between headlights and high beams, but I was shocked when she then asked me to explain what headlights are. (No, I'm not kidding.) I gave her an explanation of the difference and recommendations on when to use one or the other.

In summation, watch out world! She'll be out on the roads very soon now. Oh, and I forgot to mention that she is an avid texter.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

End Game

It's the end game now. The goal is within reach. Just a few final laps to go.

Don't think about the distance. Don't think about the finish line. Don't clutter your mind with unnecessary pressure.

Just keep going. Keep breathing. Keep taking one step after another. Keep doing what you did to get this far, and you'll be okay.

You're going to make it. You're going to get there. Even if it seems impossible.

Friday, October 10, 2014

A Delightful Moment Of Candor

A colleague in India telephoned me this morning, a young lady who is always very formal and polite in her manner of speaking. She needed my help to understand a defect in a computer program that she had written.

It took me a while to explain and demonstrate what was causing the problem. The problem wasn't complex, but for some reason she had trouble seeing it. I had to get her to look past her assumptions and understand what was really happening.

Suddenly, she comprehended her mistake, and in that moment - and I am never going to forget this - she let loose with an emphatic exclamation of "OH, SHIT!"

It was so funny and so out of character. I couldn't stop laughing.

The Advantages of Marriage for Men

Every man should consider the benefits of marriage. You never know when it might be handy to have a detailed, cross referenced, fully indexed and painstakingly organized catalog of every mistake that you have ever made.

Worse Than Garlic

This evening, a man who smelled like a garlic bagel boarded the train and sat in the seat next to me. - I'm not making this up. That's exactly how he smelled, and the odor was quite strong. It was very unpleasant, and I considered changing seats.

Two minutes later, the man suddenly stood up and walked to the next car.

In reflecting upon his unexpected departure, I had to grapple with an uncomfortable truth. This man reeked of garlic, but it's possible that I smelled even worse.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Right Hand Man

I don't trust a person who claims to be their boss's right hand man. Think about what their boss does with his right hand.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

A Candle In The Darkness - The Appeal of Film Noir

In darkness, a single candle seems warm and inviting and powerful. Its light can guide us away from danger and help us to move to a better place.

This helps to explain the appeal of noir, a genre in fiction and film where imperfect characters navigate grim and desperate situations. When one of those characters shows a flicker of decency or charity or valor, we respond to their positive attributes, their "shining light." We feel inspired to take on the darkness in our own lives and rise above the challenges that we face.

This is the essence of heroism, inspiring others to overcome obstacles with resolution, energy, and a proactive outlook. The darker the night, the deeper the trouble, the brighter one act of goodness or kindness will appear.