South Of Someplace

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Congratulations to Jim and Maria

Congratulations to Jim and Maria! It was an honor to serve as a witness at your civil wedding ceremony today. Wishing you a lifetime of happiness and meaningful moments!

Intelligent, Sexy Women

The SEXIEST women that I have ever met were also the most INTELLIGENT. Being able to think critically and discuss interesting ideas is extremely attractive. It adds a rich and compelling dimension to a person's sex appeal.

Lord of the Rings

Lord of the Rings - It was a fun story, but I'll never understand all of the fuss over one little piece of jewelry.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Famous Names That You Could Give To Your Penis

Famous Names That You Could Give To Your Penis - If Your Penis Were Into That Sort Of Thing

Dirty Harry
Marshall Dillon
John Shaft
Maxwell Smart

Darth Vader
Colonel Klink
Sergeant Schultz
Mr. Spock

Sam Spade
Sputnik
Spielberg
Spiderman

Rocky
Romeo
Rasputin
Richard III

Jim Brown
Jim Johnson
Jim Thorpe
Dick Butkus

Howard Hughes
John Wayne
Cecil B.
Citizen Kane

Charlie Chaplin
Sammy Davis
Bob Hope
James Earl Jones

General Patton
Harry Truman
President Johnson
President Bush

Felix Unger
Oscar Madison
Black Leather Elvis
Forrest Hump

Caesar
Pharaoh
Caligula
Genghis Khan

Perry Mason
Jimmy Olsen
Clark Kent
Sherlock ("Holmes")

Adrian Peterson

I feel terribly for Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings. Peterson's two-year-old son died after being beaten by the child's mother's boyfriend. The boyfriend had been charged previously for abuse. A more utterly senseless tragedy I cannot imagine.

Cannonball

The first piece of music to play on the internal jukebox this morning was Cannonball by Weather Report, Josef Zawinul's tribute to his late bandleader, Cannonball Adderley. It's one of Zawinul's finest and most moving compositions, in my opinion.

As a young man studying music I loved the beauty of the piece. But I was also struck by the fact that it wasn't mournful or overly sentimental. The predominant emotion is joy, the joy that the two men shared together on stage, the vibrant relationship between the mentor and his brilliant student, not sadness for the older man's eventual demise. Cannonball is a brilliant tribute to Zawinul's old friend and one of the great jazz pioneers.

Friday, September 20, 2013

On Standing in a Line for an iPhone

Some people must love to be miserable. The people who shop on the day after Thanksgiving, for example. Or those idiots who are lining up today to but a new iPhone when they could come back in a day or two when the lines are gone. Is it really that important to buy the stupid thing on Day One?

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Prayer for the Day - 10 September 2013

Prayer for the Day - 10 September 2013

I thank The Lord for His grace and for the limitless bounty that He has provided in my life. I pray for those who are less fortunate. I pray for those who twelve years ago kissed their loved ones goodnight for the last time, for those who were lost on 9/11 and in the conflicts that followed, and the families that have lived with an empty chair at the dinner table ever since.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Running Against Traffic

I was running south on one of New York's avenues today enjoying the sunshine on a 7.5 mile run. A guy on a bike passes me and shouts: "You're going against traffic, asshole!"

I make a quick U-turn, caught up to the guy at his cycling speed, and said. "I'm a pedestrian. I am required BY LAW to run facing the traffic."

He turned and shouted, "You're going against traffic, asshole!"

There's an old saying: God must love stupid people, because he sure made a lot of them.

A Brief History Of Sex

1930's - There's a war and a depression going on, and they took our alcohol away. But we still have sex.

1940's - The war is over! Let's celebrate with sex!

1950's - It's not nice to have sex, and make sure that you don't ENJOY it.

1960's - Wow! I can have sex with just about anyone!

1970's - Wow! I've had sex with just about everyone!

1980's - Holy shit! I'm glad I didn't have sex with someone who had AIDS.

1990's - Take this pill. It will help you have better sex.

2000's - Do yoga. It will help you have better sex.

2010's - Oh no! Everyone I've had sex with is on Facebook!