Sunday, June 30, 2019
The Second Half
The year is half over. What can you do to make the second half better than the first?
How To Avoid Expressing Frustration
I get angry. I get frustrated. And I am frequently tempted to express that frustration using harsh language. But I have learned to take a moment, calm myself down, and think about what I really want to communicate.
Sometimes, I say nothing. I realize that it’s not worth making the situation worse by stirring up contradictory feelings.
When I do say something, instead of barking like a frightened dog and spewing a stream of curse words, I make every attempt to state my position calmly and accurately.
This approach has a number of advantages. First, I train myself not to react without thinking. Reacting without thinking typically causes more trouble.
Second, by taking a moment and forcing myself to note how I am feeling and think through what I want to say, I come to a better understanding the situation, which helps me to react in a more constructive manner.
Third, I avoid hurting people’s feelings. This lessens the intensity of the emotional aspect of the situation and prevents conflict. W can burn bridges fairly easily when we react angrily; it’s best to avoid that.
Notice when you’re about to react with harsh words or emotions. Catch yourself. Take a moment to calm down and think over what’s at stake before committing a response. It everyone did this one small thing, the world would be a kinder place, and we would all feel respected. Let’s each try to take a step in that direction.
Overheard At Tampa International Airport
Overheard at Tampa International Airport:
Little Old Lady: Where do I go for Allegiant Air?
Ticket Agent: They don’t fly out here. You have to go to St. Petersburg airport.
No taxi or car service driver would make that mistake. I suspect that Grandpa must have dropped Grandma off at the wrong airport. Buy, would I hate to be that guy if she ended up missing her flight!
Airport Horrors
I like to leave extra early when I have to go to the airport. I hate worrying that I might miss a flight because of a traffic jam or a long security line. But on a recent flight, I didn’t allot as much time as I normally do. The flight was in the evening, and I had to finish work before leaving.
I hailed a cab and loaded my luggage in the back. The driver didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry. Other motorists were passing us left and right. Given the time pressure, this irked me a bit. I became concerned when the guy wandered out of his lane a couple of times. A passing motorist honked at him the second time he drifted into an adjacent lane.
From the back seat, I could see the driver’s face in the rear view mirror. To my horror, he was on the verge of falling asleep at the wheel. He was struggling to keep his eyes open.
If we had still been on the city streets, I would have had the guy pull over so I could pay him and catch another cab. Unfortunately, we were crossing a large bridge at this point. There was no safe place for a pedestrian to stand, and it would have been nearly impossible to catch another cab on the bridge.
I rolled down both back windows hoping that a blast of fresh air might help to wake the guy up. This caught the driver’s attention. Realizing now that I was watching him closely, he pulled out his phone and called someone. They talked for a while in his native language. I guess he thought that talking would help him to stay away, but he was still struggling, often leaning forward to prop his body up by leaning over the steering wheel.
He wasn’t an old guy. He looked to be in his mid twenties. I guessed that he must work multiple jobs leaving little time for sleep. Clearly, he had no business driving a cab.
We made to the airport, but the traffic there was horrible due to a massive construction project. It took another thirty minutes to get from the highway exit to the terminal. Sleepy driver guy was barely hanging on to consciousness the whole time. It was a nightmare, but at least we weren’t going very fast.
When I checked my bag, the airline agent told me that the flight had been delayed thirty minutes. This was welcome news, because I was running very late at this point. I was still concerned as to whether I would make it to the gate on time.
The next hurdle was a massive security line. One lady commented that it was the longest line that she had seen since the first couple of years after 9/11 when they started implementing much stricter security procedures. The line was moving, but it took another forty-five minutes to get up to the security checkpoint and scanners.
While I was waiting in line, I heard a woman’s voice behind me. “Do you mind if I get past you?” she asked each passenger ahead of her. “I’m sorry. My bag is already in there. I have to get through.” To one person, she actually said, “I’m not trying to be a dick, but...”
I didn’t argue with her when my time came. She looked stressed out in an unhealthy way, like someone who might start screaming if confronted. Many of us were concerned about catching our flights; this chick was catching the crazy train.
Stress levels were high. A few other panicked passengers eventually pushed their way through the line before I got up to the security desk. One employee tried to manage the traffic, but his instructions were somewhat random. This frustrated some passengers and made the situation more tense.
I finally made it through security. I gathered my belongings, put my belt and my shoes back on, and walked to my gate. I asked the agent there if they would be boarding soon. She said that the plane had not yet arrived and they didn’t know when it would be ready.
I sat and charged my iPad for a bit. I considered getting something to eat, but I decided to skip it. I didn’t want to trigger extra bathroom events during an evolving and unpredictable situation.
Finally, we boarded two hours late. I took a window seat beside a nice couple. The man sat beside me; his wife sat on the aisle. The guy had a bad habit of “manspreading”, i.e. sitting with his legs wide open, thus encroaching on my already tight space. The couple brought a bunch of snacks on board and munched on crackers throughout the flight. I have nothing against crackers, but the constant crunching was a bit distracting. They acted like kids with no impulse control.
I don’t remember when air travel became such a tense, dismal, soul-crushing experience. Every time I go somewhere, it ends up being so much more unpleasant than expected. I’m going to have to give myself a serious pep talk before I board another airplane.
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
New York Minute 149 - Decycling
Near my office, people park their motorcycles in neat little clusters between the crosswalk and the last car in the row. The bikes are beautiful. Some of them look to be very expensive models, and it’s fascinating to see them lined up in such orderly fashion.
Apparently the police have an issue with this practice, because I have seen them writing parking tickets in the past few days and sticking them on the motorcycles. Yesterday morning, things escalated when two cops with a tow truck and a little trailer began impounding the bikes. I have no idea why. They’ve been parking like that for months, and it causes no issues whatsoever.
You can’t fight City Hall.
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Window
Would you climb in through my window?
Would you give my heart a chance?
Would you hold me in your tender arms
And kiss me while we dance?
Would you whisper to me softly
When the night is almost through
And tell me that you feel for me
The way I feel for you?
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Sunday, June 23, 2019
The Most Shocking Thing About Politics
The most shocking thing about politics is not that your country is capable of committing attrocities, but how many of your neighbors will encourage it and cheer when it happens.
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Another Person’s Happiness
Never begrudge another person’s happiness, and never underestimate what it took to achieve it.
Friday, June 21, 2019
Pushing Beyond Limits
You can surrender to your limits or distinguish yourself by finding ways around them.
Focus On What’s Important
Focus on what’s important and get started today. None of us has much time.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Who’s To Blame?
Sometimes, no one is to blame. At other times, everyone bears some responsibility. But most of the time, it’s that one dirty rat fink’s fault, and everybody knows it!
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Friday, June 14, 2019
Telephone Technology
Modern technology has transformed the telephone from a simple device that you hold up to your ear to one that you can hold out in front of you and shout at ensuring that your conversations will annoy the maximum possible number of bystanders.
Thursday, June 13, 2019
Metaphor
Life is like Instagram. There are lots of nice people out there who will be happy to connect with you, but you’ll have to weed through the fakes, flakes, and snakes in order to find them.
June Monsoon
Riding out the June monsoon
Without a pontoon
I hope it ends soon
I’m turning into a prune
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Ghost Culture
Ghosted by a friend
Left to wonder why
Have I been so difficult
You couldn’t say goodbye?
No explanation given
No chance to make amends
I would have done that much for you
Or any valued friends
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
New York Minute 148 - Scenes From A Morning Commute
This morning was unusually cool for June; ladies have responded by donning stylish jackets. I saw on young lady applying makeup while riding the subway. She stood at the door where she could see her reflection in the large glass window as she worked with various brushes.
The correspondence between my two trains was extremely tight. Fortunately, I had positioned myself to be one of the first passengers up the narrow staircase that leads to the platform from which the second train departs. I dashed up the steps when I heard that train arriving. There can be long gaps between service, and I didn’t want to miss it.
When I got off of the train, I had enough time to pick up a coffee on the way into the office. I reached the coffee shop just as an emergency medical technician (EMT) was about to enter. I offered for him to go in ahead of me, but he insisted that I enter first.
I thought that the EMT was planning to buy a coffee, and I was going to offer to pay for it since he was so nice and since these folks help people all day, but it turned out that he was there on official business. A man was passed out on a couch inside the shop; it took four EMTs to lift him onto a gurney so they could wheel him out and drive him to the hospital.
Just another day in the Big Apple!
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Messed Up Monday
An earthquake hit Cleveland. A helicopter crashed on top of a Manhattan skyscraper. And somebody shot David Ortiz. That was one messed up Monday!
Mystery Solved
I woke up early this morning. I reached for my phone to check the time and calculate how long before the alarm was due to go off. For some reason, I had trouble seeing the screen. My vision is usually clear in the morning, but today, it was blurry. I wiped my eyes and concluded that the air conditioning had dried out the apartment.
I went to the bathroom and then returned to the bed to sleep a bit longer before rising for work. As I cleaned up, I noticed an oily residue around the edges of my eyes, which was very unusual. Once again, I blamed it on the air conditioning.
After getting dressed, I went out by the door where I keep my briefcase and camera bag ready to go. After spending a few minutes deciding what items to take with me today, I realized that I could see. I mean, I could see everything clearly.
The mystery was solved. I had forgotten to take my contact lenses out before I went to bed last night. No wonder my eyes were complaining!
Sunday, June 9, 2019
Rising Above Bigotry
Mankind will never be rid of bigotry. There will always be a hateful, petty segment of society, but we can rise above these fringe elements. It’s important to set high standards and expectations for behavior and to not let the hateful, and the demagogues who fan the flames of base emotion, gain political power and social legitimacy. In this area, human society has tragically stumbled in recent years. We need to get back on track in a hurry.
The Search For Contentment
It’s healthy to work toward improving your life, learning new skills, managing your mood, improving your fitness, etc. But it is equally important not to let dissatisfaction creep into your thoughts and dominate your mood.
Think of it this way. You’re not getting any younger, and life isn’t going to get easier. In ten or twenty years, you won’t be able to do all of the things that you can do today. You’ll have less strength and vitality. Your senses and your mobility could be impaired, at least partially. Does it make sense to feel disappointed about things that you can do today, when in the future you will almost certainly be able to do less?
Enjoy everything that you have in your life right now and appreciate everything that you can do, even if it seems modest, even if it doesn’t appear to measure up to someone else’s level of success and ability. Forget about other people. They’re not you, and they are not in control of your happiness. Comparing yourself to others is a fool’s errand. Someone, somewhere on a planet of seven billion souls is going to be better than you are. So what? It’s not important. Focus on yourself and your own life. Enjoy what’s going on with you in this moment. The blessings that you count today are not guaranteed to be yours forever.
Nothing is more critical to your emotional well-being than being satisfied with who you are on this day and in this moment. If you can manage that, if you can feel earnest contentment in mind, body, and soul, everything else in your life will be manageable. Conversely, if you cannot figure out a way to feel good about yourself in your current, imperfect state, then nothing that you do, nothing that you buy, and no person that you meet or goal that you pursue will ever bring you a sense of true and lasting fulfillment. You can chase rainbows forever; their gold will remain out of reach.
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Friday, June 7, 2019
A Productive Bargain
I love it when I want something, when I really want something badly, when I am overwhelmed by an obsessive, passionate craving for something that I might not need, but I desire it so profoundly that I can’t stop thinking about it, day or night. I love these moments, because they give me the opportunity to strike a productive and highly motivating bargain with myself.
“Okay,” I propose, “here is a list of goals that are important to me. They are challenging, and it will take some effort to accomplish them. But once you have completed everything on this list, I’ll let you have your prize.”
Everything on that list is going to get done.
Don’t Call It A Bug
If you didn’t specify what you wanted, don’t call it a bug when you receive something different. Call it a wish that you failed to express, a dream that you neglected to disclose, a secret desire that you never shared with the one person who could have made it come true. Call it that, because my inability to read your mind is not a bug. It’s a feature.
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Bold, Rebellious, and Arrogant
Be bold. Be rebellious. Be arrogant when you have to, but never be meek. You are worth too much. Your ideas are too valuable to sacrifice them to the scrap heap of conformity. Let the world hear your voice.
New York Minute 147 - Business Lunch
Yesterday, I had lunch with a business contact who came in from out of town. I took her to a restaurant near my office. The weather was pleasant, so we sat at an outdoor table.
About halfway through the lunch, I saw my colleague’s eyes open up wide as she noticed someone on the sidewalk. “That’s my mom!” she exclaimed with surprise as she stood up and dashed away.
It wasn’t a huge coincidence - her mother works a couple of blocks from my office and likes to take midday walks - but it was just a cute illustration of what can happen in a city where people spend more time walking than driving. You never know who you’re going to run into.
My colleague brought her mother over to the table, and we exchanged pleasantries briefly before the lady continued on her walk. A short time later, my colleague lamented, “My mom always asks me to have lunch with her when I come to New York, but I never have time.”
“Next time, tell your boss that you’re going to have lunch with me,” I offered. “Then we can cancel, and you can take your mother out instead.”
Copyright © 2019 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Unintended Consequences
If you argue that we should ban all abortions because some people have sex irresponsibly, should we ban all churches because some clergy abuse children? Should we ban all cars because some people drive drunk?
Should we ban all guns because some people commit violent crimes? Should we ban all sports because some people bet on the game?
“Some people abuse it; therefore, we should take it away from everyone.” Do you see the flaw in that logic? That was the rationale used to justify the prohibition of alcohol, which led to a wave of tragic and violent consequences.
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