An Open Letter To Friends And Family

Dearest Friends, this is my holiday wish for you. It is simple and direct, but I feel that it is critically important. I urge you to consider these words carefully.

If, in the coming days and months and throughout the year ahead, you find yourself having dark or troubling thoughts, a lack of fulfillment, a lack of energy, or feelings of concern, anxiety, despair, grief, anger, or sorrow, even if it’s mild and/or occasional, I would urge you please to talk to someone about it. 

Talk to a friend. Talk to a family member. Talk to a professional. 

The troubles that we keep inside us can and will do us harm. Sometimes that harm turns out to be far more serious and tragic than we ever could have imagined. 

If you tell yourself, “I don’t want to bother anyone with this; it’s not a big deal,” I would urge you to talk about it anyway, even if the person that you talk to does seem bothered at first. It is almost certainly a big deal.

If you’re thinking that it’s not appropriate to talk about a particular issue, ask yourself whether its healthful to disregard something that is causing you stress or worry.

If you think, “this will just blow over and go away,” don’t be surprised when it doesn’t.

If you think that you’ll be judged for mentioning an uncomfortable topic or controversial subject, think of how shocked people are going to feel when an avoidable crisis hits their lives.

If you think, “I’m not going to discuss my private issues,” realize that private issues have a nasty habit of becoming public issues in a very shocking and humiliating way.

Finally, if you tell yourself, “No way! I am never discussing THAT with anyone,” you should probably consider discussing it with someone, because, like an atomic bomb with a malfunctioning detonator, the things that we fear the most can do us the most harm.

Rest assured that you can be discreet. Professional counselors treat sensitive matters with strict confidentiality. Further, the objective is not to incriminate yourself, but rather to feel better about what’s bothering you.

So, please, do me the favor of at least considering the idea. Consider expressing your concerns and feelings to a sympathetic listener if and when you enter a blue mood. Confiding in someone is not as scary as you might imagine, and it can do you a world of good. If you won’t do it for yourself, think of your loved ones and do it for them. They really, really, really do not want to lose you over some issue that could have been resolved through proactive conversation.