South Of Someplace: July 2013

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

An Old Song Updated for the Social Media Generation

To all the girls I've loved before
Exquisite ladies I adore
I want you to be always sure
You're in my thoughts for evermore

To all the girls I've loved before
You might have gained a little weight
It could be something that you ate
Like ice cream that was shipped by freight

To all the girls I've loved before
I'm glad we did it when you were hot
Your Facebook picture says you're not
It scares me, and I mean a lot

To all the girls I've loved before
I hope I haven't made you cry
You're probably in better shape than I
Except for the cellulite on your thigh

To all the girls I've loved before
I partied with too many kegs
And ate too many scrambled eggs
There's no circulation in my legs

To all the girls I've loved before
I'm giving all my heart to you
And so that you know I'm true
My arteries are clogged with goo

To all the girls I've loved before

You might send an old pic to me

I've no longer the memory

To fantasize about the way you used to be

To all the girls I've loved before

I hope that you've enjoyed song

And if I said to much that's wrong

Un-friend my ass and say "So long!"

Proactive Heat Conditioning

I enjoy summer weather, but as I have gotten older it has become more difficult to tolerate extreme heat.

This year I decided to confront this weakness proactively. I went out on several midday runs on the hottest days, nothing too long or strenuous, but enough to condition my body to be more tolerant of the heat.

The training worked surprisingly well. I am quite comfortable now even when the temperature reaches well into the 90s Fahrenheit.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Could It Be Any Hotter?

A man and his wife stepped onto the elevator that I was about to take upstairs.

"Could it be any hotter?" the man asked rhetorically.

"I've been to Death Valley," I said gleefully. "It gets a LOT hotter than this."

They each gave me the evil death stare. I suppose that it was rude to rain on their pity party.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Bank Of Dad

Many years ago my son gave me a wonderful gift, a T-shirt emblazoned with the phrase 'Bank Of Dad'. We enjoyed a good laugh over the open-wallet nature of parenthood.

The shirt is one of my prized possessions. I store it carefully to keep it in good condition and I rarely wear it outside of the house.

This morning, I was wearing the shirt when I decided to pick up a coffee and make a stop at the market. The market cashier, a lady in her early twenties, took note.

"I like your shirt!" she said.

"Thanks!"

"I should get one for my Dad," she added.

"Oh, that would be a nice gift!"

"Yeah," she said, "he asks me all the time: 'Do I look like a bank to you?'"

I love my 'Bank Of Dad' shirt. Every dad should have one!

Friday, July 12, 2013

Choices

If I had my life to live all over again, I would do most of the same things and make most of the same choices. And that's about the best feeling that there is.

Funny T-shirts

I got a chuckle from each of these three T-shirts. I saw them all yesterday while running errands.

"Sorry if I'm slow - I get paid by the hour."

"Don't do drugs - smoke weed!"

"Billionaire In Training"

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

An Eventful Day

It's been an eventful day in the city. After my lesson with esteemed tango master Diego Di Falco, I saw six beautiful young women sitting on a bench in the hallway. They were queueing to audition for a role in the next Superman movie.

I walked toward Times Square as a light rain abated. I saw The Naked Cowboy and his new sidekick whom I'll call The Underwear Indian. Use your imagination.

I walked several blocks and crossed a few avenues. A group of people had gathered on a street corner. As I drew closer I saw a young man - probably from Mexico, Honduras, or Guatemala - lying on the pavement beside a toppled bicycle. The man was moaning and convulsing, possibly due to a traumatic head injury.

A security guard from one of the neighboring buildings was standing over the man reaching downward with his right hand. The shaking man was holding onto the guard's index finger. The kindness of the gesture moved me to the edge of tears. Eventually an ambulance arrived.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The City

I walked out of Penn Station at 11:30 pm and marveled at how hot New York can become in July. I walked a couple of blocks to the subway station where the temperature must have been close to 120F. The exterior temperature seemed mild by comparison.

I waited about eight minutes for the train to arrive. By then, sweat was pouring down my face to the point where it became difficult even to see. My shirt was drenched, as was the handkerchief that I used to wipe my brow.

I entered a subway car occupied by a homeless man who smelled of concentrated urine. It was a strong smell but not nearly the worst that I've encountered.

I switched cars at the next station and rode for a while enjoying the air conditioning. I kept my suitcase close to my legs to it would tip over as the train shifted over the tracks.

At my stop I noticed a shapely young woman in black tights and a sleeveless leopard-print top walking elegantly up the stairs, and I realized for the twenty-thousandth time that although the city has its challenges, it has it's rewards as well.

Getting Back Into Shape

I have enjoyed getting back into shape this summer, running mile after mile through the city, feeling more energetic and watching my spare tire fade away. Now I just have to figure out how to avoid turning back into a marshmallow this winter.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Fireflies

I stood outside this evening for nearly an hour watching the stars and the fireflies, enjoying the scent of wildflowers in the thick summer air, listening to the repeated calls of an owl from a hillside across the valley. It was so amazingly beautiful!

Five Mile Jog

Earlier today I jogged five miles on the same route where I took my very first five-mile jog decades ago. The experience was humbling and exhilarating, just as I recalled.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Egyptian Revolution

Egypt is going through its second revolution in as many years. As many as fifteen million (!) citizens took to the streets to protest the actions and policies of President Morsy. And the Army responded by removing the president from office.

The constitution was suspended, and a civilian justice from the Supreme Constitutional Court was put in charge to distinguish the change of power from a military coup. It's always tricky when the military intervenes, but when it's driven by an enormous popular uprising, it's difficult to question the legitimacy of the turnover of power.

This is history in the making, and we saw it unfold on TV. European TV. CNN was very late to the party. They were too concerned with covering the George Zimmerman trial, i.e. 'Television News For Idiots'.

The Truth About Food

Pepperoni - proof that the worse a food is for your body, the better it tastes!

Art on the Fourth of July

Fourth of July

I spent part of the afternoon wandering the streets of Manhattan and appreciating one of my favorite art forms - the female form.

South Of Someplace