Monday, August 28, 2023

Riddles - 20230828

Riddles - 20230828

Q: Why did the stern mortician refuse to cremate bodies promptly?

A: They have to urn it.


Q: How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change the bulb and another to argue that a different brand of bulb would have been better.


Q: Why did the photographer fire her publicist?

A: She wasn’t getting the right exposure.


Q: A man took his wife’s fancy camera on a whale watching tour. He accidentally dropped the camera in the ocean. What did his wife say when he returned home?

A: I shutter to think about it.



Sunday, August 27, 2023

New York Minute 188 - Banana Fiend

New York Minute 188 - Banana Fiend


I buy organic bananas from a food market in my neighborhood that sells them at a good price. Each bunch is pre-weighed and wrapped in plastic tape that’s marked with an item number and a bar code.


Frequently, the tape looks as though it has been tampered with. I suspected that someone was sneaking bananas out of the bunches and resealing the tape, but I couldn’t imagine why. If they went to the register with a loose banana, they would still have to pay for it.


One day, I spotted a middle-aged lady standing at the banana display. She was resealing the tape on a bunch of bananas. I didn’t want to approach while she was there, so I picked up another item returned to the bananas a moment later. Many of the bunches had been untaped. Some were resealed sloppily; other bunches remained open.


The lady, now standing about six feet away, was eating a banana. The way she ate it was unusual. Instead of pulling the peel back part way, she had removed the entire peel in advance. The banana was bare from end to end. A second bare banana lay on a paper towel in her shopping cart on top of some other terms. There was a sealed bunch in the cart, as well.


When she finished eating the first banana, she returned to the display and placed the sealed bunch onto a hook. She walked away and looked back at me. I glanced at her and then turned back to the display. I shook my head in disgust at the vast collection of molested bunches.


The lady walked toward me. “I didn’t separate them,” she insisted.


“I didn’t say anything,” I said without looking at her. I didn’t want an argument to ensue.


“I didn’t separate them,” she insisted again. “I just changed my mind.”


“I didn’t say anything,” I repeated dispassionately.


I glanced at her shopping cart. A peeled banana sat conspicuously atop her other items. I found an undisturbed bunch and walked away.



Thursday, August 24, 2023

Better

Every person you meet is better than you are at something. They might be better at bowling or scrabble. They might be better at fixing cars or solving crossword puzzles. They might be better at cooking a soufflé or making emergency repairs to a ripped garment. They might be better at tennis or golf. They might be better at finding deals and managing money. They might be better at dancing or remembering song lyrics.

It’s a near statistical certainty that they are better than you at something, even if that thing is not apparent.

Why is this important? Because humility is important, and because the lack of humility is unpleasant and unhealthy.

Be humble. You’re not great at everything. Even if you do several things well, there are billions of people who do lots of other things well. There are people who could read this paragraph and instantly translate it into Basque or Navajo or Swahili. Can you do that?
.
Be humble. No matter how good you are at something, remember that you are an absolute novice at most things.

Why should you embrace humility? Because humility opens your mind to new possibilities. Humility lets you learn and grow, because in order to grow, you first need to realize that you have room for improvement.

Lack of humility isn’t just insufferable. It’s toxic. The person who believes that they know everything learns nothing. Avoid falling into that trap.

You are wonderful just as you are, but each of us has potential for growth. Growth begins with an honest assessment of our weaknesses.


Monday, August 21, 2023

Random Thoughts - 20230821

Random Thoughts - 20230821


I’m not anti-social. I just don’t enjoy hanging out with people.


It takes a lot of balls to be a bad golfer.


Always remember that the highest level of success is the one just above the second highest level, although someone is probably going to sneak in an even higher level soon.


I’m so uncool that when I try to do something cool, it looks like I’m trying to be cool, which is never cool.


I’m not overthinking this. I’m just thinking it over.



Yard Signs 2023

I interpret yard signs as an indication of enthusiasm for political candidates. If I see a lot signs for Candidate B, but few or no signs for Candidate A, it leads me to believe that Candidate A is in trouble, even if the polls rate Candidate A favorably.

Last year, as I was driving through Western Pennsylvania, I noticed a large Doug Mastriano sign prominently displayed on someone’s garage. When Mastriano lost the gubernatorial election, the property owner put up an equally large sign emblazoned with TRUMP 2024.

When I drove past this weekend, the Trump sign was gone. A small, discreet American flag was in its place.

Only the property owner knows why he took down the sign, but I’m guessing that multiple felony indictments are making even the MAGA faithful question their support for you know who.


Saturday, August 12, 2023

Friday, August 11, 2023

Thursday, August 10, 2023

Barbie Thoughts

The Barbie movie challenges us to examine familiar situations from unfamiliar perspectives. It encourages the viewer to draw their own conclusions, including some that may be uncomfortable. The film is bold, bright, flashy, and entertaining, but it inspires deep reflection, the highest aspiration for a work of art.


The story is allegorical. Plot devices may represent other things, but it’s all open to interpretation. I have several theories about what Barbieland represents. Which one is right? Maybe they all are. Maybe that’s the point.


If you see ‘Barbie’, in addition to being entertained, you’ll be treated to one of the best soliloquies ever written. Move over, Will Shakespeare.



Luxury Vacation Discount

Planning a luxury vacation? Ask for the Clarence Thomas discount.



Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Weird Word

I wish there were a word like weird but weirder than weird for when weird isn’t weird enough.



Monday, August 7, 2023

The Thoughtful Gentleman

She said that I made her panties wet. I felt ashamed, so I bought her some laundry detergent.



Laugh Long And Well

It’s okay to laugh when your nemesis stumbles. Think of it as karmic relief.



Free Speech

Free speech: I’d like to visit Cuba.

Not free speech: Take this plane to Cuba.



Random Thoughts - 20250507

Random Thoughts - 20250507 My name is Daniel. I’m 185 centimeters tall. I’m one of the people who graduated from my high school. My zodiac s...