When a relationship ends, whether it’s a professional relationship or a personal one, the breakup is often accompanied by frustration, disappointment, and other powerful negative emotions. If we don’t manage those emotions effectively, they will cloud the memory of all of our experiences with our former partners. We may be tempted to attribute negative qualities to them as a way of coping with the shock of losing our connection with them. We might be tempted to call them unflattering names and say bad things about them to others.
Disparaging our former partners might seem to make sense on some emotional level, but it’s not helpful in the long run, and it probably isn’t particularly fair. If we spent a considerable amount of time with them, we probably did so because we enjoyed the experience, or at least benefitted from it.
A better approach is to separate the body of the relationship from the end of it. Imagine two large warehouses. In one warehouse, store all of the artifacts of the breakup, the disappointment, the shock, the broken promises and missed expectations, the grief, your reaction to it and the time that it took to put it behind you.
In the other warehouse, store memories of the good times that you had with your former partner or associates, the adventures, the successes, the laughs, the thrills, the meaningful moments, the heartfelt conversations, the trust that you developed by facing challenges together, and all manner of uplifting and memorable experiences.
Now, in your hand, you have the keys to both warehouses. You can visit either one of them anytime you want, but you can’t be in both of them at the same time.
Which one would you like to visit today? Which place would be better for your soul? Do you want to go back and relive all of the pain and frustration that you felt when things ended? Or do you want to remember a long list of good experiences with a great team or a uniquely special person?
The choice is yours.
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