Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Embarrassing Chapters
Star Wars had Episode 1 featuring Jar-Jar Binks. Many fans wish that the entire chapter could be erased. Sometimes our lives have a chapter like that.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Chasing A Dream In Fifteen Steps
Live joyously.
Visualize expansively.
Prepare tirelessly.
Plan carefully.
Work enthusiastically.
Act boldly.
Stumble gracefully.
Adapt intelligently.
Learn cumulatively.
Refine continuously.
Document meticulously.
Persevere courageously.
Succeed graciously.
Celebrate gratefully.
Mentor openly.
Visualize expansively.
Prepare tirelessly.
Plan carefully.
Work enthusiastically.
Act boldly.
Stumble gracefully.
Adapt intelligently.
Learn cumulatively.
Refine continuously.
Document meticulously.
Persevere courageously.
Succeed graciously.
Celebrate gratefully.
Mentor openly.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Loud and Clear
When someone is saying something important, I often have to struggle to hear them. But when someone says something useless or offensive, their voice is loud and clear.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Understanding Women
I won't claim that I understand women well, but they really confused me when I was younger. I tended to put ladies on a pedestal, and from that lofty position they seemed frightening and unapproachable.
Eventually, experience showed me many facets of the complex female personality. They could be caring, clever, determined, sensitive, devoted, devilish, resourceful, passionate, playful, and even silly. (Silly is probably my favorite!)
I remember this one dinner date with a colleague - I don't recall which one of us proposed the outing; it just sort of worked out. - We enjoyed a nice chat at the restaurant, but concerns about dating a colleague left us both feeling somewhat tense.
Perhaps it was a reaction to the nerves, but on the walk back to the car I started singing Tom Green's inane and outrageously tawdry "Pet Names For Genitalia." I figured that she'd think that this was childish, and in the morning we'd just be colleagues who'd once shared an ill-fated dinner date. But she laughed hysterically at the goofy song, and by morning we had shared quite an array of memorable experiences.
No, I don't understand women very well even after all of these years. But it's fun to try to figure them out.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
President Obama and the Response to Crimea
The Right Wing is criticizing Mr. Obama with regard to what's happening in Ukraine and Crimea. They suggest that the President hasn't been tough enough with Putin, for example.
Fair enough. The Left criticized Bush's foreign policy decisions all the time. But let's look at the details in this case.
What exactly should Mr. Obama's response be? To threaten Russia with a show of force? Does anyone not realize that that's a stupid idea? Perhaps the stupidest idea in history?
Okay, so what happened in Crimea. The people voted - overwhelmingly - to leave Ukraine (where they haven't been perched for all that long, anywhere) and to join the Russian Federation.
Think about that. The PEOPLE of Crimea took a VOTE on what they wanted to do. The last time I checked, the USA supports the concepts of voting and majority rule. We talk proudly about how Americans died on the battlefield so we would have the right to vote. The people of Crimea voted - isn't that a good thing?
And if the majority or Crimean citizens want independence, why shouldn't they have it? Why shouldn't they enjoy the same rights that the American colonies did when they broke away from England?
Our own founding fathers declared their independence in a document that has become a model for free people everywhere. Why should Crimea's "declaration of independence" be any less valid than our own?
Why is Crimea America's problem at all? We didn't cause this mess. Why do some Americans think that it's our job to rattle our sabers over the issue? What possible good can come of it?
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
Fair enough. The Left criticized Bush's foreign policy decisions all the time. But let's look at the details in this case.
What exactly should Mr. Obama's response be? To threaten Russia with a show of force? Does anyone not realize that that's a stupid idea? Perhaps the stupidest idea in history?
Okay, so what happened in Crimea. The people voted - overwhelmingly - to leave Ukraine (where they haven't been perched for all that long, anywhere) and to join the Russian Federation.
Think about that. The PEOPLE of Crimea took a VOTE on what they wanted to do. The last time I checked, the USA supports the concepts of voting and majority rule. We talk proudly about how Americans died on the battlefield so we would have the right to vote. The people of Crimea voted - isn't that a good thing?
And if the majority or Crimean citizens want independence, why shouldn't they have it? Why shouldn't they enjoy the same rights that the American colonies did when they broke away from England?
Our own founding fathers declared their independence in a document that has become a model for free people everywhere. Why should Crimea's "declaration of independence" be any less valid than our own?
Why is Crimea America's problem at all? We didn't cause this mess. Why do some Americans think that it's our job to rattle our sabers over the issue? What possible good can come of it?
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Friday, March 14, 2014
Do Something Big
Take care of your day to day responsibilities. Never let those slip. But every now and then do something unexpected, something big, something daring and outrageous, something that demands your absolute best. Do something that makes people stand up and take notice. Most people walk around half asleep anyway. They'll thank you for the wake up call.
But most of all, do this for yourself. Because let's face it - you're half asleep, too. If you don't challenge yourself, if you don't step up to the plate and swing at some fastballs when the game is on the line, you'll never be fully awake.
Life passes by like a lazy cloud, and it will be over before you know it. Grab it by the throat and get its attention from time to time.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
But most of all, do this for yourself. Because let's face it - you're half asleep, too. If you don't challenge yourself, if you don't step up to the plate and swing at some fastballs when the game is on the line, you'll never be fully awake.
Life passes by like a lazy cloud, and it will be over before you know it. Grab it by the throat and get its attention from time to time.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Poor Stanley
Stanley approached Geoff at the office water cooler. "Hey, Geoff! How's it going?"
Geoff responded with a surly tone. "Why do you ask?"
"Whoa!" Stanley exclaimed. "I didn't mean to bother you."
"You didn't bother me," Geoff said impatiently.
"Okay! Sorry!" Stanley offered in desperation. He wanted to say something funny in an attempt to cut the tension, but he wasn't sure that he should say anything at all.
"Look..." Geoff hesitated for a moment. "I probably shouldn't tell you this."
"Tell me what?" Stanley asked with a puzzled look.
"I know about the sandwich."
"What sandwich?"
"The sandwich. The one that you swiped from the refrigerator last Thursday. Tuna salad."
Stanley displayed a look of shock, but before he could say anything, Geoff continued.
"It was Anne's sandwich. She was upset when she discovered that someone had taken it."
"And you think that it was me?" Stanley protested.
Geoff glared with an accusing look.
"Hey! I didn't..." Stanley began.
"Save it!" Geoff interrupted. "Don't worry. I'm not going to tell her that it was you."
"Look, I didn't take the sandwich, all right?" Stanley insisted.
Geoff stood silently for a moment. His eyes looked through Stanley as though he were focusing on a distant object.
"Yeah, maybe you're right," Geoff reasoned. "Maybe it wasn't you."
"You're darned right it wasn't me!" Stanley offered with feigned outrage. Stanley had indeed eaten the tuna sandwich, but he wasn't about to admit it.
"I apologize," Geoff said.
"Thank you!" Stanley exclaimed with a mix of relief and vindication.
"I apologize," Geoff repeated.
"You already apologized," said Stanley with a smirk. "Apology accepted."
"No, Stan. I apologize for reading your mind."
"You what?" Stanley reacted with a gasp and a laugh. A small projectile of saliva flew out from between his parted lips.
"We don't talk about it, of course. Well, not typically. But some of us can do it... Read minds... Read thoughts..."
"Geoff!" Stanley exclaimed. "You're putting me on, right? This isn't funny."
"No, Stan. It's not funny. It's not funny when you steal someone's sandwich, either."
"Dude, you're weiriding me out!" Stanley countered. "Maybe you should just let this whole sandwich thing go. I mean, what if I told Ed about this conversation?"
"Go ahead!" Geoff said.
"Dude, are you feeling all right?"
"I feel fine," Geoff assured him. "Tell Ed about the sandwich or whatever you'd like to say. And I'll tell him about the laptop."
"What laptop?" Stanley demanded.
"The laptop that you reported missing last year. Remember? You told Ed that you had left it in a cab. But you really gave it to your son to use in college."
"Okay," Stanley replied angrily. "I don't know what you think you know, but this is NOT funny."
"Ed had his suspicions," Geoff continued. "He wanted to fire you, but he didn't have any proof. He figured that it was easier to just let it go."
Stanley turned to leave. "This is a bunch of crap."
"Don't worry," Geoff continued with a chuckle. "What am I going to do? Tell Ed that I read your mind?"
"You're...something's not right with you, Geoff!"
"Oh, by the way, your son is failing Calculus. You should call him. He could use a tutor."
"Don't bring my family into this!"
"I didn't. You're the one who gave him the laptop."
It was true, of course. Stanley had fabricated the story about the lost laptop. He installed a new operating system and gave it to his son, Mark. But Geoff could not have known. He was obviously fishing. Stanley knew better than to admit the theft. It would cost him his job.
"Are you trying to shake me down, Geoff?" Stanley was visibly angry. "What, do you have a camera in here?"
"No camera," Geoff assured Stanley. "I told you the truth - I read your mind."
"For instance," Geoff continued, "I know that you interviewed at Forester last month. It was a Tuesday. You met with Stephen Jenkins and Melinda Schwartz. Melinda liked your tie, but neither of them felt that you were qualified. That's why they never called you back even though they haven't filled the position."
Stanley stood speechless. How did Geoff know? How could he know?
Geoff continued. "You took a cab to the interview. You stiffed the driver, an older Pakistani gentleman, because you thought that he drove too slowly. You had a valid point, of course. The guy needs cataract surgery. He probably shouldn't be driving. But you didn't have to stiff the guy. I mean, it's a little thing. Like when you stole your neighbor's new paint roller when he was on the phone."
"What the hell, Geoff?"
"Yeah, well anyway, I could go on. But it's none of my business. I just didn't like what you did to Anne. She's always been nice to you. You really should apologize."
"Is that what this is about, Geoff? A freaking tuna sandwich?"
"It was Anne's sandwich. You shouldn't have eaten it."
"Okay, I'll freaking apologize!"
"Lower your voice, Stan."
"Okay, I'll apologize," Stanley assured him in just over a whisper. Just stop with the mumbo jumbo. I don't know how you're doing this, but you're scaring the crap out of me.
"Oh, and when you talk to Anne... don't look at her chest. She doesn't like it."
"Really? Your ESP told you that?"
"No. Anne told me."
"I... I don't appreciate your little practical joke. And I'm going to mention this conversation to HR."
"Oh, that should be interesting. Maybe you should tell them that you're hearing voices."
"Screw you, Geoff! You've had your fun..."
"Don't be mad, Stan. I haven't said anything that wasn't true. Plus, I do have some good news for you."
"Oh, I'm sure you do!" Stanley blurted sarcastically.
"Remember the Christmas party? Remember that girl from accounting? You guys were doing karaoke together."
"What about her?"
"She wanted to go home with you that night."
"Really?"
"Totally."
"Is she still interested?"
"Heck no. She moved on. Met a guy shortly afterward."
"So, how is that good news?"
"Well, it was good news. You just didn't pick up it."
"Thanks for the tip, Geoff. You full of shit."
"Well, here's another tip. Don't overstate your charitable donations this year - like you usually do. You're going to be audited."
Stanley paused. "How would you know that?"
"Just be careful, Stan."
"Great. Are we done here?"
"There's just one more thing," Geoff continued. "I know your secrets. So far I've told only you. But if you mess with Anne's lunch again. Or if you act like a jerk to her or anyone else in the office. Or if you EVER have another sexual fantasy about my wife like the one that you had between 11:07 and 11:19 pm last Tuesday night, some of your friends and colleagues are going to learn some interesting things about you."
Stanley bit his lower lip nervously.
"Be nice, Stanley," Geoff added. "I'm not the only one."
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Geoff responded with a surly tone. "Why do you ask?"
"Whoa!" Stanley exclaimed. "I didn't mean to bother you."
"You didn't bother me," Geoff said impatiently.
"Okay! Sorry!" Stanley offered in desperation. He wanted to say something funny in an attempt to cut the tension, but he wasn't sure that he should say anything at all.
"Look..." Geoff hesitated for a moment. "I probably shouldn't tell you this."
"Tell me what?" Stanley asked with a puzzled look.
"I know about the sandwich."
"What sandwich?"
"The sandwich. The one that you swiped from the refrigerator last Thursday. Tuna salad."
Stanley displayed a look of shock, but before he could say anything, Geoff continued.
"It was Anne's sandwich. She was upset when she discovered that someone had taken it."
"And you think that it was me?" Stanley protested.
Geoff glared with an accusing look.
"Hey! I didn't..." Stanley began.
"Save it!" Geoff interrupted. "Don't worry. I'm not going to tell her that it was you."
"Look, I didn't take the sandwich, all right?" Stanley insisted.
Geoff stood silently for a moment. His eyes looked through Stanley as though he were focusing on a distant object.
"Yeah, maybe you're right," Geoff reasoned. "Maybe it wasn't you."
"You're darned right it wasn't me!" Stanley offered with feigned outrage. Stanley had indeed eaten the tuna sandwich, but he wasn't about to admit it.
"I apologize," Geoff said.
"Thank you!" Stanley exclaimed with a mix of relief and vindication.
"I apologize," Geoff repeated.
"You already apologized," said Stanley with a smirk. "Apology accepted."
"No, Stan. I apologize for reading your mind."
"You what?" Stanley reacted with a gasp and a laugh. A small projectile of saliva flew out from between his parted lips.
"We don't talk about it, of course. Well, not typically. But some of us can do it... Read minds... Read thoughts..."
"Geoff!" Stanley exclaimed. "You're putting me on, right? This isn't funny."
"No, Stan. It's not funny. It's not funny when you steal someone's sandwich, either."
"Dude, you're weiriding me out!" Stanley countered. "Maybe you should just let this whole sandwich thing go. I mean, what if I told Ed about this conversation?"
"Go ahead!" Geoff said.
"Dude, are you feeling all right?"
"I feel fine," Geoff assured him. "Tell Ed about the sandwich or whatever you'd like to say. And I'll tell him about the laptop."
"What laptop?" Stanley demanded.
"The laptop that you reported missing last year. Remember? You told Ed that you had left it in a cab. But you really gave it to your son to use in college."
"Okay," Stanley replied angrily. "I don't know what you think you know, but this is NOT funny."
"Ed had his suspicions," Geoff continued. "He wanted to fire you, but he didn't have any proof. He figured that it was easier to just let it go."
Stanley turned to leave. "This is a bunch of crap."
"Don't worry," Geoff continued with a chuckle. "What am I going to do? Tell Ed that I read your mind?"
"You're...something's not right with you, Geoff!"
"Oh, by the way, your son is failing Calculus. You should call him. He could use a tutor."
"Don't bring my family into this!"
"I didn't. You're the one who gave him the laptop."
It was true, of course. Stanley had fabricated the story about the lost laptop. He installed a new operating system and gave it to his son, Mark. But Geoff could not have known. He was obviously fishing. Stanley knew better than to admit the theft. It would cost him his job.
"Are you trying to shake me down, Geoff?" Stanley was visibly angry. "What, do you have a camera in here?"
"No camera," Geoff assured Stanley. "I told you the truth - I read your mind."
"For instance," Geoff continued, "I know that you interviewed at Forester last month. It was a Tuesday. You met with Stephen Jenkins and Melinda Schwartz. Melinda liked your tie, but neither of them felt that you were qualified. That's why they never called you back even though they haven't filled the position."
Stanley stood speechless. How did Geoff know? How could he know?
Geoff continued. "You took a cab to the interview. You stiffed the driver, an older Pakistani gentleman, because you thought that he drove too slowly. You had a valid point, of course. The guy needs cataract surgery. He probably shouldn't be driving. But you didn't have to stiff the guy. I mean, it's a little thing. Like when you stole your neighbor's new paint roller when he was on the phone."
"What the hell, Geoff?"
"Yeah, well anyway, I could go on. But it's none of my business. I just didn't like what you did to Anne. She's always been nice to you. You really should apologize."
"Is that what this is about, Geoff? A freaking tuna sandwich?"
"It was Anne's sandwich. You shouldn't have eaten it."
"Okay, I'll freaking apologize!"
"Lower your voice, Stan."
"Okay, I'll apologize," Stanley assured him in just over a whisper. Just stop with the mumbo jumbo. I don't know how you're doing this, but you're scaring the crap out of me.
"Oh, and when you talk to Anne... don't look at her chest. She doesn't like it."
"Really? Your ESP told you that?"
"No. Anne told me."
"I... I don't appreciate your little practical joke. And I'm going to mention this conversation to HR."
"Oh, that should be interesting. Maybe you should tell them that you're hearing voices."
"Screw you, Geoff! You've had your fun..."
"Don't be mad, Stan. I haven't said anything that wasn't true. Plus, I do have some good news for you."
"Oh, I'm sure you do!" Stanley blurted sarcastically.
"Remember the Christmas party? Remember that girl from accounting? You guys were doing karaoke together."
"What about her?"
"She wanted to go home with you that night."
"Really?"
"Totally."
"Is she still interested?"
"Heck no. She moved on. Met a guy shortly afterward."
"So, how is that good news?"
"Well, it was good news. You just didn't pick up it."
"Thanks for the tip, Geoff. You full of shit."
"Well, here's another tip. Don't overstate your charitable donations this year - like you usually do. You're going to be audited."
Stanley paused. "How would you know that?"
"Just be careful, Stan."
"Great. Are we done here?"
"There's just one more thing," Geoff continued. "I know your secrets. So far I've told only you. But if you mess with Anne's lunch again. Or if you act like a jerk to her or anyone else in the office. Or if you EVER have another sexual fantasy about my wife like the one that you had between 11:07 and 11:19 pm last Tuesday night, some of your friends and colleagues are going to learn some interesting things about you."
Stanley bit his lower lip nervously.
"Be nice, Stanley," Geoff added. "I'm not the only one."
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Executive Washrooms
Executive Washrooms
Because why should upper management be forced to mix with the hard-working people whose labor and dedication pays for their bonuses and stock options?
Because why should upper management be forced to mix with the hard-working people whose labor and dedication pays for their bonuses and stock options?
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
When The Project Takes Control
We manage to take control of some projects, and that's an empowering feeling. But some projects take control of us, and the most we can do is to hang on and give our best until the ride comes to a stop.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
All Rights Reserved
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Try New Things
Try new things. Do things in different ways. Through experimentation, you might discover things that you enjoy more or which provide greater utility and opportunity. If the new way doesn't work out, you'll learn something, and you can always revert to the tried and true.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Stress, Pressure and Expectations
Stress, Pressure and Expectations
Pressure can drive us to perform at a high levels, but too much works against us. Left unchecked, the stress on our system will darken our mood, dampen our outlook, ruin our health, and worse.
Recognize when the pressure becomes too much to handle. Awareness is one of the most important senses that we can develop. Know when you need a break, and by all means, take it. It might happen sooner than you think.
Don't let stress sneak up on you. Pressure doesn't always crash down on you all at once. It can build slowly over time. Either way, the results can be devastating.
The good news is that there are many ways to reduce stress and counteract its ill effects.
Rest. Relax. Breathe deeply.
Take a break. Take a nap. Take some time off.
Laugh. Play a game. Call a supportive friend.
Exercise. Stretch. Take a shower. Get a massage.
Enjoy your favorite music or the entertainment of your choice.
Write down what's on your mind to you don't need to keep thinking about it.
Write down what you need to do so you won't forget anything. Prioritize and plan so you can make the best of your productive hours. This will yield more time to relax and enjoy life.
Write down some ideas about how you would like to enjoy your next day off/weekend/vacation.
Live. Love. Dance. Sing. Smile. Laugh. Play. Hug. Kiss.
Joke. Brag. Burp. Chuckle. Goof off. Mess up your hair. Jump for joy.
Do the things that children do. If you need some inspiration, watch children as they play. Kids have their share stressful moments, but those moments rarely last. In a little while, they're having fun again, and the stress is all but forgotten.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
Pressure can drive us to perform at a high levels, but too much works against us. Left unchecked, the stress on our system will darken our mood, dampen our outlook, ruin our health, and worse.
Recognize when the pressure becomes too much to handle. Awareness is one of the most important senses that we can develop. Know when you need a break, and by all means, take it. It might happen sooner than you think.
Don't let stress sneak up on you. Pressure doesn't always crash down on you all at once. It can build slowly over time. Either way, the results can be devastating.
The good news is that there are many ways to reduce stress and counteract its ill effects.
Rest. Relax. Breathe deeply.
Take a break. Take a nap. Take some time off.
Laugh. Play a game. Call a supportive friend.
Exercise. Stretch. Take a shower. Get a massage.
Enjoy your favorite music or the entertainment of your choice.
Write down what's on your mind to you don't need to keep thinking about it.
Write down what you need to do so you won't forget anything. Prioritize and plan so you can make the best of your productive hours. This will yield more time to relax and enjoy life.
Write down some ideas about how you would like to enjoy your next day off/weekend/vacation.
Live. Love. Dance. Sing. Smile. Laugh. Play. Hug. Kiss.
Joke. Brag. Burp. Chuckle. Goof off. Mess up your hair. Jump for joy.
Do the things that children do. If you need some inspiration, watch children as they play. Kids have their share stressful moments, but those moments rarely last. In a little while, they're having fun again, and the stress is all but forgotten.
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Seven Words That No One Wants To Hear
Seven words that no one wants to hear - ever:
"I would like to thank my publicist."
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
Copyright © 2014 Daniel R. South
All Rights Reserved
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