Special Birthday Memories

This was supposed to be your birthday. Your mom’s second doctor - the first one left town suddenly without explanation - determined that you were three weeks late and decided to induce labor. I thought you were right on time, but I deferred to the experts.

We drove to the hospital calmly and prepared for the procedure, but your mom went into labor on her own. We were optimistic that everything would flow naturally, but the contractions were weak. Your grandma and I slept on chairs as we waited.

In the morning, the doctor decided to proceed with induced labor, but it didn’t go well. Your mom was in a lot of pain. She wasn’t dilating. They rushed her into surgery. I sat beside her.

It’s a miracle that you both survived. You were blue when they pulled you out of her incised belly. The nurses rushed you over to a table. You didn’t cry right away, and no one said a word. Your mom got very upset fearing the worst. “Is he alright?” She stated to shake. The doctor gave have her a sedative.

“Everything’s fine,” one of the young nurses said finally. “Thank God!” you mom exclaimed just before she fell asleep.

They guided me out of the operating room. The obstetrician went outside for a cigarette, and somehow, I ended up out there with him under a brooding gray sky. It wasn’t bitterly cold, but it was chilly.

“Do you smoke?” the doctor asked.

“No.”

He took a long, deep drag and shook his head. “Don’t start.”

I met up with your mom in her room. She was awake, but she couldn’t move due to the spinal block. She seemed happy now and at peace. There was no hint of worry on her face.

A nurse walked in with a big smile on her face. “Do you want to hold your son?”

After all she’d been through, your mom was thinking more clearly than I was. “She means you.”

“Shit, yeah!” It was a grotesquely inappropriate comment which I regretted immediately, but no one seemed to mind.

I held your warm, tightly-bundled body in my arms, and my whole world changed.

Galactic Toilet Humor

Q: What did Spock find floating in Kirk’s private toilet?

A: Captain’s Log

Q: What did McCoy find there a few hours later?

A: Captain’s Log - Supplemental

Q: What stuck to Scotty’s bowl after he flushed it?

A: Klingons

Q: What did Commander Data find in Picard’s private toilet?

A: Number One

From the upcoming novel “Jokes From Uranus”

You Have The Power

Are you concerned about the train derailment and chemical spill in East Palestine, Ohio? Good. Do something about it. When a politician runs on the promise of “cutting regulations,” vote for the person running against them. When politicians who have a track record of deregulation come up for re-election, vote for the other guy. You have the power to prevent future tragedies.

Media Coverage

It’s interesting to compare the amount of national media coverage awarded to these environmental disasters.

East Palestine, Ohio
Population: 5000 (95 percent White)
Train derailment spilled toxic chemicals
Media coverage: High

Flint, Michigan
Population: 81,000 (56 percent Black)
Switch to corrosive water source caused extensive lead poisoning
Media coverage: Low 

Jackson, Mississippi
Population: 180,000 (83 percent Black)
Water supply contaminated by failures in aging purification plants
Media coverage: Rare

Enjoy Today

The most important thing is to enjoy where we are today as we strive toward where we want to be tomorrow.

10 Movies That I Deeply Despise

10 Movies That I Deeply Despise:

(You might like them, and that’s fine. Everyone’s taste is different.)

1. The Godfather (Plodding and grisly)

2. Gone With The Wind (She’s a mean-spirited brat)

3. Pretty Woman (So wrong on so many levels)

4. The Fugitive (Ridiculous plot, awful acting)

5. Die Hard 2 (Worst case scenario for bad sequels)

6. The Breakfast Club (The director should have gotten detention)

7. McLintock (From an era when men thought it was funny to beat their wives)

8. Aliens (Stop whining!)

9. From Here To Eternity (Incredibly bleak)

10. Eraserhead (89 minutes that seem like 89 hours)